David Cameron and Katherine Jenkins class act or not

Flawed heroes - we've known a few! But it takes the Yanks to step right up and knock them dead! Chatting about taking office and how the big boys seized the moment. Kennedy had Marilyn sing for him on his birthday, Nixon schmoozed Sinatra and good old Bill Clinton played sax with Stevie Wonder. My God! How cool was that!
What did Gordon do? Oh yes, he wasn't elected was he, so no big party there. Now we are looking at Cameron. And he's counting the pennies. Doesn't want to come across as a big spender in the skint zone. Shame, because we could all do with a huge dose of gobsmacking glamour. Who would fit the bill? Can he sing alongside the totally beautiful Katherine Jenkins do you think? Or better still, play the piano? Or dance with Cheryl Cole? Hmm, I think I'd better think it out again.

Who's batty then?

Good to hear the guy who whacked a baddie over the head with a cricket bat is on his way home from jail - though he did give 57-year-old Walid Salem a good pasting. Munir Hussain, 53, went ballistic after being tied up and threatened with a knife. Salem was apparently left with brain damage. So what brain would that be? He has a stack of previous and was no sooner cleared of this case than he was back on the fraud again.

Got enough wit for that then. Seems he's into forged credit cards, as well as terrorising families. Sort of thing you expect from drug-crazed hoodies, not middle-aged men. At least now the police are saying we can stick up for our own, since they did such a shoddy job of keeping this total waster off the streets. As my old mum used to say: "If you want something done, do it yourself!"

Avatar anyone?

So, have you seen the new Avatar movie yet? Me neither. Been told it's preachy, with lot of talking trees and saving the environment. The 3D is awesome, with some great effects, but it's not exactly lighting my fuse.
This whole Avatar thing is a bit more than weird anyway. Sane individuals are spending real money buying stuff in a virtual world. Blokes with guts much bigger than their bank balances splash out on their avatar, some hot-shot lawyer type with a neat line in menswear and at least three gorgeous girls hanging off his lower lip. Is that sad or what? Tesco"s hardly jammed with women to set the pulse racing but you'd think anybody would have a better chance of scoring there than sat in front of their screen. Then again, maybe not. How about giving offyerface Facebook a chance and hoping the reality lives up to the spec?

Bargain bra? Maybe not

Bought a bra the other day, £6 from Peacocks, bargain. Problem is, it still has the security jobbie attatched. Now here is the dilemma. Do I waltz back in with it and ask them to take it off, assuming the fact that I have returned with the goods puts me in the clear, shoplifter-wise.
Or do they all do that? Pikeys I mean? I thought security men fell out of the walls if anyone so much as dared step towards the door with a tag in place. Bells and sirens, the lot, I thought. Yet it seems really easy to swipe anything without a soul noticing.
Have tried the pliers. No use. Magnets also, nil result. Fact is, just a hint of suspicion will be enough to bring on a guilty blush. Innocent, certainly, but brave - maybe not. And is such a test of courage worth it for six quid? Just how poor am I?

You Did Great Boss

Want to feel better at work? Tell the boss exactly what you think of him. Go on. When you've finished saying what a balls-up he made of that last presentation you can pick up your P45 at the door and spend a lot more time with the family. Job sorted.
This particular advice comes from The British Psychological Society at their conference in Brighton.
They studied 500 workers and 150 managers and found that bosses who got feedback were more likely to change their ways and become more effective. Their staff would be less stressed. Are we missing something here? Like the boss is in charge? There are some great bosses. And some stinkers. Don't like it? You know what to do. Blabbing about his bad points isn't it. These psychologists know their stuff - just on some other planet. Here,in sunny Brighton, they are barely this side of bonkers.























psychologists are

Mrs Robinson and Thomas Cook

So, how bad was the sex that Mrs Robinson went for a 20-year-old? We get a lot of them here, having one in the house. Buff they might be, great fun certainly, but for a lady of experience to find one beddable does require a lot of reading between the sheets. All that trauma aired on TV too. What happened to dignified silence?
We are having trouble with Mr Thomas Cook after spending two days snowed up at Gatwick. He doesn't want to pay up or give us a swap after we lost two days of a week's holiday. Blaming the weather isn't good enough when the airport was open, but everyone goes a bit bovine when herded together like that. It's like one spark would ignite the lot, so we all just wait, and wait, and wait. And the fibs!!! But we are not through with Mr Cook yet...

horse dentist home visit

Friend of mine's got the dentist out. At home. On a Sunday. Prince Charles himself couldn't get a visit from a dentist on a Sunday. Folk in these parts haven't seen a dentist in five years of Sundays.
But this one is coming to see a horse. She can't eat. The horse that is.
The dentist probably eats very well indeed,on what he charges for this trip. Plenty of our friends have horses and many of them can't be ridden. They have strangles.Or they are lame.They can't jump,or canter or sometimes even trot. They are too old or too young,in foal or just plain nasty. Sometimes they look pretty. Other times they have such bad allergies that a quick glance stops the heart.
They scare at puddles and shun their best friends. They throw and kick, every chance they get. Their feet stink and their pee's even worse. And they poo. A lot. Which has to be picked up daily to stop them getting worms. Let's stick to the worms, cheaper and much more useful.