Monday 28 February 2011

Blair Envoy 0 Mad Dog 1

Reagan called him "Mad Dog " Gaddafi. The US president went on to suffer from Alzheimers but he was bang on the button there. The Libyan leader was more barking than Battersea Dogs Home and we all knew it.

Trouble was, he was sitting atop a whole lot of oil and we wanted our share. So we allowed his lethal lunacy to fester unchecked. Now Tony Blair looks pained as he reveals he asked his pal to chuck in the towel but the old fool has taken no notice. Did anyone really think he would?

What sort of power does Blair wield these days? His qualifications as a middle-eastern envoy look a bit dodgy viewed from the standpoint of an illegal war. Gaddafi has always been in it for himself, he never tried to hide the fact. it's just that the west always thought they could keep him on a short leash.

Well now the rabid dog is running riot and smoothie Blair has no say at all in the matter. Nobody should be a bit surprised. We'd have been more amazed if Gaddafi had said: " Yes Tony, you're so right as always, I'll give it all up now!"

Looks like the Libyans will sort this one out for themselves, without the dubious help of envoys. When they do, let's hope we support the people's choice the way we pandered to their despotic leader Gaddafi.

Saturday 26 February 2011

Frilled with EasyJet

Got a new love in my life and this one's a stayer. Totally besotted with easyJet. Scoff not, while I tell you why. It's because when no one else would go near Egypt, easyJet got me there, and back, on time, with no problems at all. This when the travel agents threw up their hands and said:"no, never, are you mad?" and the government was warning against all but essential travel.

Seriously daunting, especially when there was no insurance to be had. I could see us dodging bullets and angry crowds or at the very least going down with some dreadful lurgy and having to lease a private jet just to get home.

Granted it's no frills. So no plastic slop posing as a meal. A Mars bar costs about three quid. Added to that, they land in Kent, or somewhere like that, and it's a long haul to the terminal. "Are we there yet?" you hear some plaintive voice cry.

There were only about 30 people on our flight out. We all felt pretty intrepid. No cancellation, though what we paid would barely cover the captain's bar bill. He was on top form though. As were the rest of the crew. They don't make you feel you are travelling goat class just because you got it cheap. I'm smitten, and already got my eye on my next easyJet destination - they've got frills enough for me.

Saturday 12 February 2011

Proud Egypt Stands Tall Today

Celebrated too early. Thought it was in the bag on Thursday night and watched as a tearful Egyptian dad said how proud he was of his people and especially his son, standing tall in Tahrir Square. Then, nothing. I felt like dragging the despot out myself.

Then yesterday, four o'clock our time, six there's. The amazing, incredible, news. Mubarak has gone. Strangely weird to see that we knew before the people in the square. We watched, fascinated on TV, as the rumours became fact and spread through the crowd, joy erupting like a volcano everyone said was sleeping.

It's been an incredible week, but not bloodless. People died for this cause, 300 of them, I guess mostly unarmed. I for one will not forget the image of a man hauling a dead body over the bridge, the skin scraping off a soul who no longer feels. It had to be a friend bringing the body back. Anyone else would have left him where he fell.

It was deeply heartbreaking and there were many others. Yet they won. Their numbers too great and their voices too loud to be ignored. Egyptians did this. They show that sometimes, in the direst, most deadly of circumstances, ordinary people can make a difference. As long as their own, in this case the army, do not turn against them. Proud? We all are.

Thursday 10 February 2011

Sex or Sprouts?

Buns, chocolate - what else is Belgium famous for? A dapper little detective and oh yes, red-hot, raunchy sex. Steaming with it, they are. Men in Brussels can't wait to get their sprouts away. It's a race to the bedroom every night. We all know it's true. Just one look at the Belgians and we all shout "Wey, hey Walloon!" and dive right in.

We know they are at it like rabbits - after all it's the home of the Flemish Giant, huge, furry and totally up for it. So why are the wives protesting, "non, non, non'? That's none in any language. The reason? The girls are so fed up with their dozy men that they are saying:"No sex - we're Belgian!" They want an end to the rows between the Flemish and Walloons that have put a stop to their government since May last year.

Did anybody notice? Senator Marleen Temmerman says women should hold out until the guys behave. It worked in Kenya in 2009. A sex-strike there had the men caving in within a week and stable government was restored. That's Africa for you. It sizzles. Belgians are more likely to settle for a nice steaming cup of hot chocolate. More bun on the plate than in the oven.

Tuesday 8 February 2011

Top Gear Guy"s Secret

Jonathan Wossi put his finger right on it - Hammond the cheeky chipmunk, sorry hamster, wears a necklace. Every week, on Top Gear, he sports a choker made of the cheap beads you get at KidsRus. Each little cube has a letter, though he hides the message from view.

What's it say then Richard? Is it PORCHE911. MORRISONS MAN or STIGSUCKS? It could be MORKANDMINDY ( his wife gets Mindy) or even LOVEMACHINE though somehow I doubt it.

Not that he isn't a Love Machine. Seriously cute this Hammond! No, I reckon that cheap necklace around his millionaire's neck is from his girls. This guy once ran 16 miles in two hours to make it home for Willow, aged 7's, birthday. It's probably Izzy aged ten, stringing WELOVEYOUDAD together. That's my bet. What's yours?

Monday 7 February 2011

Time For Western Courage

Isn't it time we started some straight talk over Egypt? How long must we watch these incredibly brave people stand in Tahrir Square while their hated and corrupt leader clings onto power? Is 30 years not long enough for him? The people want him out. We believe in the people's choice. So we should want him out - and say so.

All this diplomacy and sitting on the fence is shameful. We see politicians on every news broadcast unable to bring themselves to accept the reality. Meanwhile the protest goes from peaceful, to police violence, from flowers on tanks to thuggery and then stalemate. Nothing. These people must be sickened to their depths at the West's craven feebleness.

Protester Ahmed Salah writes: "We have lived for three decades without human rights. I was arrested and beaten until they broke my nose.The next day I went out again and was shot with a rubber-coated metal bullet that is still stuck in my head.

"The international community must take moral responsibility for all the decades of supporting this dictatorship." We have a duty. Let's do it. For their example of true courage alone, we owe them.

Wednesday 2 February 2011

Martini Makes a Princess out of Kate

Posh people are worrying over which cocktails Kate will down to get hammered at her hen-do. Will it be a rumshack punch or a porn star martini? Vodka or champagne? Are they serious? She won't be strutting the West End in fancy dress! Policewoman Pamela Stephenson will not be sozzled at her side. No Diana dazzle-razzle! Shenanigans will be in very short supply.

Well, has anyone seen Kate bladdered on Facebook? Sticking her tongue out at the camera? No, thought not. Sarah Ferguson was once pictured poking someone's bum with a brolly. Suffice to say, her stay with the Royals was brief. Kate is cut from classier cloth. Beautiful, demure and - dare one whisper it? - perhaps ever so slightly, only a tiny bit, boring? People said plenty, but no one ever said that of Diana or Fergie. Come on Kate, have a porny martini and let's make a princess out of you!