So another well-paid woman in a stable relationship with two kids wants to tell us she is having an abortion. This time it is Grace Nelson in the Times. Previously it was Caitlin Moran. I've got a lot of time for Caitlin, she's an excellent writer. I have no need to know why she decided to have an abortion in her 30s when she was already successful and settled, but she included details in her book and her column.
Same with Grace. In both cases it could be a "let's not rock the boat," thing. A lot of people have strong views on abortion. Some folk are fanatical in their opposition. Me, I think it's down to personal choice. Their business. The headline reads Why My Abortion is My Affair, and Grace seems to see the suggestion by health professionals that she might want to think again as meddling. She suggests it's interfering if the Government requires doctors to question her decision.
Two questions - why, if this is her affair, does she feel the need to enlighten the rest of us, and why would the ending of a human life not require professionals to seek to make sure that the decision is the right one?
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Saturday 27 August 2011
Try this for size
Bottoms up! I like a drink as well as the worst of them.Glass of wine at the end of the day? Lovely, make that two. But nothing, absolutely nothing will make me try the latest trend - tampons soaked in alcohol and stuffed up the nose! Whaaat! Just what kind of a look is that?
Seems you get drunk quicker that way. Well cheers mate but no thanks, pass on that one. There's a place for tampons and up the nostril isn't it, though the In-Betweeners reckon they are an excellent answer to nosebleeds. Just how big are those hooters?
Not content, the cogniscenti are sucking up the stuff. Oxy shots they're called and amount to breathing in alcohol vapour. People say don't knock a thing until you've tried it. Facebook folk are trumpeting: "Triple absinthe oxy shot, legendary!" P***** at a stroke, no effort required.Very cheap too.
Perhaps I'm coming at this backwards. I like to savour the stuff, chat, laugh, fall about giggling and give up before I throw up. Get to that stage and the evening's done for, in my opinion. I don't want to start off like that, because, obviously, I'll miss the best bit sleeping it off on a bench somewhere.
How attractive does that sound, loud, legless, a couple of cotton wool plugs with strings adding to the allure. Upside is the lads will fall about laughing, better than the pill. Danger of unplanned sex - nil. If ever there was a case for just saying no...
Seems you get drunk quicker that way. Well cheers mate but no thanks, pass on that one. There's a place for tampons and up the nostril isn't it, though the In-Betweeners reckon they are an excellent answer to nosebleeds. Just how big are those hooters?
Not content, the cogniscenti are sucking up the stuff. Oxy shots they're called and amount to breathing in alcohol vapour. People say don't knock a thing until you've tried it. Facebook folk are trumpeting: "Triple absinthe oxy shot, legendary!" P***** at a stroke, no effort required.Very cheap too.
Perhaps I'm coming at this backwards. I like to savour the stuff, chat, laugh, fall about giggling and give up before I throw up. Get to that stage and the evening's done for, in my opinion. I don't want to start off like that, because, obviously, I'll miss the best bit sleeping it off on a bench somewhere.
How attractive does that sound, loud, legless, a couple of cotton wool plugs with strings adding to the allure. Upside is the lads will fall about laughing, better than the pill. Danger of unplanned sex - nil. If ever there was a case for just saying no...
Thursday 25 August 2011
Sponger Jacqui Smith on the Take
Brass Neck Award goes to deserving Jacqui Smith for defending her use of prisoners to paint her house. She used guys on day release to do community work on her place in Redditch, claiming that it was fine because they were coming to the end of their sentences and "didn't have anything else on."
Plenty of hard-working painters and decorators haven't got anything else on either. They rely on people to pay them the going rate. A donation to charity, Jacqui's answer, just won't do. They have families to feed and don't go home at the end of the day to a hot meal provided by Her Majesty's prisons.
"Two prisoners doing work experience carried out about three hours of work at my house doing a bit of decorating. It hadn't been cleared with the prison authorities in advance and they've now launched an investigation." said Ms Smith.
As a former Home Secretary, she was once in charge of the Prison Service. Did she know better? Of course not, they never do. We pay these people a hefty salary, but they still expect to get everything on the cheap. They whinge when we catch them fiddling and insist they should be allowed more, living on the breadline as they do.
Somebody should paint "Sponger"right across her front wall. Then let's see if she can find a tradesman to put it right.
Plenty of hard-working painters and decorators haven't got anything else on either. They rely on people to pay them the going rate. A donation to charity, Jacqui's answer, just won't do. They have families to feed and don't go home at the end of the day to a hot meal provided by Her Majesty's prisons.
"Two prisoners doing work experience carried out about three hours of work at my house doing a bit of decorating. It hadn't been cleared with the prison authorities in advance and they've now launched an investigation." said Ms Smith.
As a former Home Secretary, she was once in charge of the Prison Service. Did she know better? Of course not, they never do. We pay these people a hefty salary, but they still expect to get everything on the cheap. They whinge when we catch them fiddling and insist they should be allowed more, living on the breadline as they do.
Somebody should paint "Sponger"right across her front wall. Then let's see if she can find a tradesman to put it right.
Monday 22 August 2011
Cow Madness
So the Silly Moo is close to capture. Thank God for that! Yvonne the cow, who did a runner rather than face the chop in Germany, should soon be on her way to an animal rescue centre after spending 89 days on the loose.
We can all sleep better for that. No more bulldozing her way into Bavarian police cars. No more snipers ready to shoot to kill. Just a whole lot of well-meaning folk happy to pay to see a mad cow parade in a bovine paradise. I'm so pleased for her.
As a non-meateater, is this not overkill? How much has been spent worrying over this one animal, lovely though she is. What about the calves transported long distances to their final destinations, or the hens with broken legs in battery farms? Pigs kept tightly packed in pens all their short lives?
Give Yvonne a long and happy life somewhere nice if you must, but let's not lose sight of the bigger animal welfare picture.
We can all sleep better for that. No more bulldozing her way into Bavarian police cars. No more snipers ready to shoot to kill. Just a whole lot of well-meaning folk happy to pay to see a mad cow parade in a bovine paradise. I'm so pleased for her.
As a non-meateater, is this not overkill? How much has been spent worrying over this one animal, lovely though she is. What about the calves transported long distances to their final destinations, or the hens with broken legs in battery farms? Pigs kept tightly packed in pens all their short lives?
Give Yvonne a long and happy life somewhere nice if you must, but let's not lose sight of the bigger animal welfare picture.
Tuesday 16 August 2011
Telly Worse Than Smoking
Dying a slow death in front of the telly. Always knew it was killing me with boredom. Now those hunky, healthy Aussies have confirmed it. All this trash is taking years off our lives.
Deep down, we all knew. Doesn't take a lifestyle survey of 11,000 people to tell us the telly is rubbish. We've all had more fun watching grass grow. Nothing on but pap and tat, but we sit, sad-eyed and slumped, letting a tiny hope triumph over reality. Same every summer.
Now the University of Queensland says every hour of telly reduces a viewer's life expectancy by almost 22 minutes. Excuse me? That means I'm spending 38 minutes watching and 22 committing slow suicide. That's why Mock the Week, QI and University Challenge only last half an hour. Anything more is lethal and they want us back next week.
The science says it's sitting still that does it. Watching in front of an exercise bike doesn't count. Plonking yourself with a bowl of cereal and the remote does. Even fags are less harmful - they only take 11 minutes off every hour. Hold on, I'm starting to smell a porkie here. Somebody wants to sell more running shoes. Tell you what, I'll keep getting up to top up my glass, let out the dog and put the kettle on. That'll fix it Jim!
Deep down, we all knew. Doesn't take a lifestyle survey of 11,000 people to tell us the telly is rubbish. We've all had more fun watching grass grow. Nothing on but pap and tat, but we sit, sad-eyed and slumped, letting a tiny hope triumph over reality. Same every summer.
Now the University of Queensland says every hour of telly reduces a viewer's life expectancy by almost 22 minutes. Excuse me? That means I'm spending 38 minutes watching and 22 committing slow suicide. That's why Mock the Week, QI and University Challenge only last half an hour. Anything more is lethal and they want us back next week.
The science says it's sitting still that does it. Watching in front of an exercise bike doesn't count. Plonking yourself with a bowl of cereal and the remote does. Even fags are less harmful - they only take 11 minutes off every hour. Hold on, I'm starting to smell a porkie here. Somebody wants to sell more running shoes. Tell you what, I'll keep getting up to top up my glass, let out the dog and put the kettle on. That'll fix it Jim!
Monday 8 August 2011
Carol Vorderman Gets the Wrong Answer
Crap at maths - does it matter? I can add up a shopping bill quicker that the till assistant and work out how many tiles I need for the bathroom or paper for the walls. That's it. Since the age of 16 that's all I have needed.
My 20-year-old son is still doing maths and he will spend a lifetime working out complex equations. Fine, that's what he's good at. Carol Vorderman wants all children to study maths until they are 18. Good luck to her, but count me out on that one Carol.
True, good numerical skills are essential. We have spend enough to take us twice around the world on Kumon. Primary schools did not prepare our kids well enough, so we went the private route and are ever grateful that we did. There is no way that our lot would have made the grade without it. They wanted to be vets and engineers, so roll out the sums and let's get cracking.
My argument is that by the time a person gets to 18 their view on maths is set in stone. They either enjoy working with numbers or they don't. Their attitudes have been formed in primary schools where they have been shown five different ways to solve the same problem. It bores the bright ones rigid, but the idea is to give them several options to come to the same conclusion, instead of one good route which is practised until they are all perfect at it. That's how I did maths.
That's why I can add up my shopping bill much faster that the teenager behind the counter. Sort out the primary schools and your job is done Carol. In the meantime, we will stick to Kumon.
My 20-year-old son is still doing maths and he will spend a lifetime working out complex equations. Fine, that's what he's good at. Carol Vorderman wants all children to study maths until they are 18. Good luck to her, but count me out on that one Carol.
True, good numerical skills are essential. We have spend enough to take us twice around the world on Kumon. Primary schools did not prepare our kids well enough, so we went the private route and are ever grateful that we did. There is no way that our lot would have made the grade without it. They wanted to be vets and engineers, so roll out the sums and let's get cracking.
My argument is that by the time a person gets to 18 their view on maths is set in stone. They either enjoy working with numbers or they don't. Their attitudes have been formed in primary schools where they have been shown five different ways to solve the same problem. It bores the bright ones rigid, but the idea is to give them several options to come to the same conclusion, instead of one good route which is practised until they are all perfect at it. That's how I did maths.
That's why I can add up my shopping bill much faster that the teenager behind the counter. Sort out the primary schools and your job is done Carol. In the meantime, we will stick to Kumon.
Wednesday 3 August 2011
Dragon Duncan Wants to Hire Hitman Jack Reacher
Dragon Duncan hiring a hit man! Crikey - any Jack Reachers up for the job? Millionaire Mr Bannatyne went ballistic when someone threatened his daughter. He offered a bounty of £25,000 - doubled if the avenger broke the man's arms first. Good money that, for a bit of spare-time thuggery. There'll be no shortage of takers.
Duncan has since taken back the broken arms bit. He can see that might lead to a whole heap of trouble. Sensible chap, but parents all over the world will still be saying: " Go get him Duncan."
Because when it's your kids at risk your heart acts well before your head wakes up. The boot goes straight in, any questions after. Anybody hurts one of mine I'll be whacking with the baseball bat first and worrying about the law later.
Anyone can understand Duncan's rapid response. Trouble is, the sort of guy prepared to break a stranger"s arms for money has no hesitation hurting kids. Or anyone else, if the price is right.
Let's hope the blackmailing toerag is banged up somewhere soon, out of sight and mind. Then we can all rest a bit easy, knowing he's off the streets and there's nothing in it for the rest of his sort who don't care who they hurt.
Duncan has since taken back the broken arms bit. He can see that might lead to a whole heap of trouble. Sensible chap, but parents all over the world will still be saying: " Go get him Duncan."
Because when it's your kids at risk your heart acts well before your head wakes up. The boot goes straight in, any questions after. Anybody hurts one of mine I'll be whacking with the baseball bat first and worrying about the law later.
Anyone can understand Duncan's rapid response. Trouble is, the sort of guy prepared to break a stranger"s arms for money has no hesitation hurting kids. Or anyone else, if the price is right.
Let's hope the blackmailing toerag is banged up somewhere soon, out of sight and mind. Then we can all rest a bit easy, knowing he's off the streets and there's nothing in it for the rest of his sort who don't care who they hurt.
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