Wednesday 30 January 2013

Say Sorry To The Rapists

Pirates and kidnappers. that's what I think of when Somalia is mentioned. And poverty. There's plenty of that. Dignity is not high on the list and women sit forlorn and hopeless in the dredges at the bottom.
A 27-year-old Somalian woman claims she was raped by police. They are not happy. She was dragged before the courts to explain herself, and say why she was "offending the dignity of a national institution," and threatening the image of Somalia.
Was she supposed to say sorry, won't do it again and can you pass on sincere apologies to the police officers involved? Why do they always blame the women, everywhere, for flaunting themselves, behaving provocatively or getting drunk?
Somalia may be beautiful country. I'll never know. To me it will always be a hell hole.

Sunday 27 January 2013

Balm From Bits Of Babies

Babies' foreskins are vey useful but not if you chop them off and rub them on your face. That's silly. Wrinkles are nasty, but rubbing a bit of dead skin on them is not going to make them go away.  Anybody can see that. Can't they?
No, they can't. Stupid women are clamming for a cream with babies' cells in it. Taken from tiny penises. I've seen a few tiny penises in my time. Some with, some without, all perfectly lovely in their way. Sweet yes - the fount of eternal youth? No.
So why is Oprah Winfrey apparently championing a cream that contains bits of them? Rod Liddle in the Sunday Times says she is, and a whole lot of Canadians were picketing her show in protest. Rod likes a laugh. I'm sure he finds little dicks funny,
But something tells me he is not joking about this, though God knows I wish he was.

Friday 25 January 2013

Dummies On The Wards

Staggered at the latest from Stafford hospital! A baby has a dummy taped to its face. What is the matter with these people? A child has breathing problems and they think it's a good idea to block his mouth off?
Makes you wonder who Mid Stafford NHS Trust is employing. Would you trust them - me neither. You have to be a brain dead to come up with this criminally stupid plan. Four months old and totally helpless, this little lad could have breathed his last if his nose got blocked.
Someone has been suspended. Good. Plenty more should be sacked. This place has been beset with problems for too long. Shut it and be done with it.
Hate dummies anyway, they might have a place in the early days when a few moments of peace are desperately needed, but after that? Forget them and learn to live with the noise or your child may be slow to talk and spend the rest of his life on catch-up.

Tuesday 22 January 2013

Dead Show Stopper

"What shall we do on holiday? Let's go see some corpses - there's a new one out!" Can't wait to get over to North Korea to see what a lovely job they have done on Kim Jong 11. He's looking really well, for a dead man.
Some of the first people to see him lying in state were tourists, many of them on their third laid-out leader. Mummies, the lot of them, but so much better than the brown, shrivelled, Egyption things you see in the British Nuseum.
 Mr Kim - or is it Jong? has a slight blush to his cheeks, as though he slept lightly, instead of dying of a heart attack in December 2011. They took their time with him, and you have to say, it shows.
Visitors must  pass through jets of air to get rid of any dust. Brit Richie Fenner thinks it's a small price to pay. He said: "I've been to Mao's and Lenin's mausoleums and this is a lot better." I'm happy for him, I'm sure the dead hate to disappoint.

Sunday 20 January 2013

Mustapha Tache

Just learned that moustaches are the big new thing - not got one? Get a transplant! Life really isn't fair is it? Guys from the Middle East are flocking to have their upper lips furnished at a cost of four grand, while their hairy women hide behind a burkha.
Sad fact is that sultry lovelies always have a problem with face follicles. They divvy up a fortune on skin creams that burn like hell fire and don't always work. How do I know? Well been there, done that. Even blondes get a bit tufty when the extra testosterone kicks in, somewhere around the mid forties.
One day it's all dewy smooth, and the next, well, you get the message. Even fair hairs get all stiff and scratchy. And there are the blokes, getting fat, wrinkly and grey and celebrating their 'taches. Happy to fork out a fortune for a pair of handlebars last seen on the butcher boy's bike. It's not right, it's not fun but that's life ladies.

Thursday 10 January 2013

Definitely A Princess For Kate

So it's definitely a girl then? For Kate and William? Must be, since the Queen has changed the rules so the babe can be called Princess. No point, if it's a boy is there? Lot of bruhaha to go through for nothing otherwise.
Have we got a date yet - other than some time in the summer? Non-stop throwing up forced them to  tell everyone early, rather than waiting the usual three months. All day morning sickness is hard to hide, it's very noisy for a start, so they had no option really, but it does put dates into doubt.

Hope she didn't spend her birthday yesterday bent over the toilet. That would be sad, but just goes to show, the Royals are no different to the rest of us. Apart from the money and the privilege and the curtseying and all, they still feel sick as a dog sometimes. And worse.
It's this ordinariness that makes me think we won't put up with them after Charles. He's alright in his bumbling, interfere with everything, kind of way, but he doesn't deserve all he has simply by being born to the right woman. Kate's child will be more ordinary still, Princess or not. Still going to hear a lot, lot more about her though, that's for sure!

Friday 4 January 2013

Belfast Barnies For Britain!

Lord they love a barnie in Belfast! Still squabbling over the flag! Thought that one was done and dusted before Christmas but no, the bozos are still out on the streets, chucking petrol bombs and making life hell.
What's it costing, to have the cops out in force? Ten injured last night, so there will be compensation claims. Kicking off about flying the flag from the Town Hall. As if they really care, this bunch of monkeys setting fire to cars and swaggering around like the own the place.
Let's just give it to them! Let them have Belfast. It's just a tiny place, but the bother! Thought they had turned it around, but sectarian wall art shrieks otherwise. Open your mouth in Belfast and they suss your religious persuasion. Wrong crowd and the temperature drops. God doesn't enter into it.
Ireland is beautiful, the people are warm and welcoming but not in Belfast. Scratch the surface and hatred bubbles up. Shame, because they've got some great pubs.

Wednesday 2 January 2013

Must We Wait For Another Delhi Gang Rape?

Shock and horror over the rapes in India are justified - but back in Britain we have no  cause to be complacent. A rapist is on the loose from an open prison.
Sean Cawthray, 41, is a bad man, having already been jailed for rape twice, in 1990 and 1993. Yet he was in an open prison after trying to kidnap a teenage girl. This is not a man about to mend his ways. He saw a chance and took it, and now the police are out there looking for him.
They must weep into their beer when all their hard work in tracking down such a waster ends up with  him doing a stretch at Leyhill Open Prison in Glouscestershire. We treat this terrible crime so seriously that this is all he gets. Most women would want him locked up and the key thrown down a well. Or send him after it, saving us all the cost of keeping him warm at night.
When will rape been seen as the horrific crime it is? The Delhi gang rape ended in death. It seems we are waiting for much the same here.