Ever wanted to be in a band? Everybody's favourite fantasy isn't it? You could see yourself, up there, giving your all on X Factor. Well, maybe not X Factor, You've got to be 16 and rubbish to win that. So you're 32 and brilliant? Tough luck, you're past it.
Which makes my chances a bit slim, being a tad ancient. And while not quite Jedward, not really Queen either.
But you get asked and well, who wouldn't?
Sounded simple, you just turn up, they said. No need to be that good, you learn as you go. Don't need an instrument, they'll lend you one. Truly, that easy, just get there.
So I did. I play flute. A bit. Guy I was with plays clarinet. Worse. We made a fine pair of hopefuls turning up at the church hall. Everyone was warming up so I made a few noises myself, nothing too ambitious. "Where do we sit?" I ask him. "I sit up there," he said. "What about me?" Right in the front. No place to hide. Oh God. And they were wrong about the "straight off the street" line. Most of them could play and some of them had been doing it for YEARS.
Couple of kids a bit shaky on the cornets, but on the whole... Off we go with a rousing number, the Can Can. And as they later said, I had the tune! Nobody ever told Brian May he had the tune without at least a bit of warning. And it was fast. How to break out in a soaked sweat while just twiddling fingers. No problem at all. I may have to practise. Just a bit more.