George Michael's waking up in a prison cell today. Probably sitting there signing autographs.Chances are he's in for a cushy number because he'll only do four weeks of the eight week stint he got for crashing his car while stoned on cannabis. Didn't stop the fans weeping outside the court.
Wonder if he is crying now? I met him as a young guy on the edge of the big-time. He was sitting in his white, fluffy dressing gown - really ! - in his mum's house in Bushey, Hertfordshire. Didn't speak a word. Not because he was having some sort of hissy fit but because he had a sore throat and was supposed to rest it, so he had to write his answers down. Slowed the flow a bit.
George was one of the prettiest boys I'd clapped eyes on , but I reckon his interests lay elsewhere. Certainly had talent, but the next time I saw him he in the bar at a Rolling Stones gig, all on his lonesome nursing a pint. Hardly looked the superstar.
Maybe prison will sort his demons. Help him see his way forward because there can't be much further to fall.
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Gaga's Slaughterhouse Chic
Lady Gaga's prancing about like a sausage in search of a frying pan! Was that meat outfit real - or just a clever look-alike? How did they sew it together? And, if it was real , what about the SMELL!!! Fresh raw meat has it's own special ambience. Eau de abattoir. Slapped up against a hot human body it would surely start to assert itself?
Did seem to be a waste of a good meal, but as a veggie I'd go for lettuce leaves. Each to his own. Raw steak in the hair might be brilliant for condition or bloody awful.
The Gaga was apparently making a point about women being treated like meat on a slab. Fair play to her. But why did the outfit have to be so short, so clingy and with frilly bits of fat decorating the crotch area like so much expensive lace? It was actually quite glam in a car crash sort of way. Doubt if it will catch on. We won't be raiding the butchers for scrag end of lamb or a nice bit of belly pork any time soon.
Did seem to be a waste of a good meal, but as a veggie I'd go for lettuce leaves. Each to his own. Raw steak in the hair might be brilliant for condition or bloody awful.
The Gaga was apparently making a point about women being treated like meat on a slab. Fair play to her. But why did the outfit have to be so short, so clingy and with frilly bits of fat decorating the crotch area like so much expensive lace? It was actually quite glam in a car crash sort of way. Doubt if it will catch on. We won't be raiding the butchers for scrag end of lamb or a nice bit of belly pork any time soon.
Friday, 10 September 2010
Couple of Northern Lights
Scallywags and shysters the lot of them! The Northern lasses have been flushed down the netty by their men again. Cheryl Cole dumped her husband only to see her brother in court today accused of robbing a post office. Armed robbery! Is there not enough cash swilling around in that family that he takes a gun to get his giro?
Gorgeous Cheryl mixes with the rich and famous but she can't choose her kin. "Sorry wor lass!" is unlikely to cut it. Andrew Tweedy will be weeping into his pint of Newcie Broon as he kisses goodbye to that Ferrari he fancied for Christmas.
What about Colleen? Some might argue it's better he paid for it, rather than start up a meaningful relationship. Some might. Whatever, the girls will be fine. They are both beautiful and well able to earn their own cash. Do we feel sorry for them? Are you kidding?
Gorgeous Cheryl mixes with the rich and famous but she can't choose her kin. "Sorry wor lass!" is unlikely to cut it. Andrew Tweedy will be weeping into his pint of Newcie Broon as he kisses goodbye to that Ferrari he fancied for Christmas.
What about Colleen? Some might argue it's better he paid for it, rather than start up a meaningful relationship. Some might. Whatever, the girls will be fine. They are both beautiful and well able to earn their own cash. Do we feel sorry for them? Are you kidding?
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Firth Film Speaks Volumes
Colin Firth is making a film about stammering. Thank God we won't have to hear him sing! Or maybe we will. Sometimes people who struggle to speak try to sing it instead.
Should be hilarious. Anyone who says they haven't fought the giggles as someone wey-heys and barks while clawing desperately for consonants is lying through their smooth-talking teeth. It IS funny, in a horrible, gut-clenching, embarrassing sort of way. Comedy would be dead if nobody poked fun any more.
But I bet this is one of the bravest films we'll watch this year. The King's Speech is already winning standing ovations and is tipped for a Best Picture Oscar. Haven't seen it yet but I hope it wins. Everyone who goes out there every day and carries on trying while we hide our smiles behind our hands deserves a medal or at least our understanding. Nice one Colin.
Should be hilarious. Anyone who says they haven't fought the giggles as someone wey-heys and barks while clawing desperately for consonants is lying through their smooth-talking teeth. It IS funny, in a horrible, gut-clenching, embarrassing sort of way. Comedy would be dead if nobody poked fun any more.
But I bet this is one of the bravest films we'll watch this year. The King's Speech is already winning standing ovations and is tipped for a Best Picture Oscar. Haven't seen it yet but I hope it wins. Everyone who goes out there every day and carries on trying while we hide our smiles behind our hands deserves a medal or at least our understanding. Nice one Colin.
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Bombs Making a Come Back
Shambolic being our middle name, how did we ever win the war? Only ask because a guy has found an unexploded grenade in his garden, a relic from a British PoW camp. Ignoring the fact that the bozo was hell-bent on defusing it himself - being a plumber he considered himself qualified - how did a live grenade end up in one of our camps?
Did we search these lads before offering them home comforts for the duration of the conflict? Plenty have fond memories of working on local farms and the Italians even left their dopey graffiti, "hello I love you." Ever the romantics.
The RAF came to the rescue of metal detector man, no harm done. Which could so easily not have been the case for little Brendan Shannon, 8, who found a bomb dumped in his playground and took it in for show and tell. Loyalists have apparently claimed responsibility. Are they proud of themselves?
Did we search these lads before offering them home comforts for the duration of the conflict? Plenty have fond memories of working on local farms and the Italians even left their dopey graffiti, "hello I love you." Ever the romantics.
The RAF came to the rescue of metal detector man, no harm done. Which could so easily not have been the case for little Brendan Shannon, 8, who found a bomb dumped in his playground and took it in for show and tell. Loyalists have apparently claimed responsibility. Are they proud of themselves?
Monday, 6 September 2010
Dave and Ed Head to Head
David, Ed, Balls and all - who really gives a toss about the Labour lot? Does anyone give a monkeys who gets it? Life in the Milliband household must be fraught though. "Now boys behave - stop bashing your brother with that cricket bat!" Must go on all the time.
The lads both want it so badly. Why? What chance has either of them got of getting a look in, with Dave and Cleggie running the shop? Then there's Ballsie saying he was the real brains and Gordon glowering in the backround, monumental intellect and all. Sometimes think they are all wafting about cloud cuckoo land thinking they still matter and that we are all really, really excited about it all. Frankly the contents of my ear canal would be a lot more fascinating.
The lads both want it so badly. Why? What chance has either of them got of getting a look in, with Dave and Cleggie running the shop? Then there's Ballsie saying he was the real brains and Gordon glowering in the backround, monumental intellect and all. Sometimes think they are all wafting about cloud cuckoo land thinking they still matter and that we are all really, really excited about it all. Frankly the contents of my ear canal would be a lot more fascinating.
Saturday, 4 September 2010
formula for Fun
That's blown it! Today I learned I'm too old to win a medal for maths. Damn! Left it too late. You have to be under 40 to win a Fields medal from the International Mathematical Union. Nobody told me. They didn't shout about that one, did they?
Young Arran Fernandez is 15 and he starts at Cambridge this month, after a stonking performance in his A levels. He has plenty of time, getting GCSE A* out of the way when he was five. I was still playing with teddies and mud pies at that age. Big mistake.
Why this rush to do everything so young? Most of us will live two-thirds of our lives after the age of 30. Not all of that will be spent drooling or running down cats with the mobility scooter. Brilliant French mathematician Evariste Galois was killed aged 20 in a fight over a woman. A bit older and he'd have walked away from that one. Working on the probability that there would be another along soon.
It's possible to be young, gifted, a whiz at maths and daft as a brush. Good luck to Arran, hope he gets the prize, but be even better if he has a totally amazing time.
Young Arran Fernandez is 15 and he starts at Cambridge this month, after a stonking performance in his A levels. He has plenty of time, getting GCSE A* out of the way when he was five. I was still playing with teddies and mud pies at that age. Big mistake.
Why this rush to do everything so young? Most of us will live two-thirds of our lives after the age of 30. Not all of that will be spent drooling or running down cats with the mobility scooter. Brilliant French mathematician Evariste Galois was killed aged 20 in a fight over a woman. A bit older and he'd have walked away from that one. Working on the probability that there would be another along soon.
It's possible to be young, gifted, a whiz at maths and daft as a brush. Good luck to Arran, hope he gets the prize, but be even better if he has a totally amazing time.
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