Be warned naughty Royals - you could be writing "I must be better behaved" a hundred times if we follow the lead of Belgium. Their Prince Laurent is in the doghouse. Described as a 47-year-old "enfant terrible" he's been ordered to write a code of conduct for himself, to be read out in Parliament next week.
How embarrassing! Lord knows what he's been up to but it seems the Belgians have had enough and are threatening to cut his £265,000 allowance if he doesn't shape up.
Need a bit of that here. Some Royals presume it's fine to shove photographers, swear loudly and behave badly. They sell business contacts to the highest bidder and swan around at our expense thinking they own the place. They do - a lot of it. Trouble is, most of them are too thick to realise that their privileges are not a right but should be earned. Roll on the republic.
Friday, 15 April 2011
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
William and Kate at their Emetic Best
Goody, there's a new, naff royal film coming out and I can't wait! It's described as "emetic." That means it makes you sick to you and me . So what's new? Have you ever seen anything about the royals that didn't send your dinner soaring? From Charlie talking to Dimbleby to Diana's "three in a marriage" disclosures they have all been heavingly awful.
That's why I am all set for a great night in when it hits the TV on April 24. Might even invest in a bottle of red and a box of Maltesers. To set the scene. Get this : "They met by chance and came from different worlds, but against all the odds... live their own fairytale." Now isn't that just fabulous? Doesn't it send a delicious shiver of awfulness down your spine? A Mufasa moment, most definitely
It's going to be tacky. And shallow. Actor Nico Evers-Swindell lets his jaw drop when he sees Kate in that dress. Me too. Dreadful wasn't it? This is going to be the best bit of the whole royal shebang and at last it's possible to look forward to a ripping good time. Keep the street parties and droning dignitaries, I'm rooting for William and Kate The Movie. Might even buy the DVD.
That's why I am all set for a great night in when it hits the TV on April 24. Might even invest in a bottle of red and a box of Maltesers. To set the scene. Get this : "They met by chance and came from different worlds, but against all the odds... live their own fairytale." Now isn't that just fabulous? Doesn't it send a delicious shiver of awfulness down your spine? A Mufasa moment, most definitely
It's going to be tacky. And shallow. Actor Nico Evers-Swindell lets his jaw drop when he sees Kate in that dress. Me too. Dreadful wasn't it? This is going to be the best bit of the whole royal shebang and at last it's possible to look forward to a ripping good time. Keep the street parties and droning dignitaries, I'm rooting for William and Kate The Movie. Might even buy the DVD.
Saturday, 9 April 2011
Fuel But No Thought
What kind of fuel am I? A big, blue one with a flashing light. Muppets at the Met can't handle a petrol pump. One in six diesel cars run by the police in London are banjaxed by bozos filling them up with petrol, costing the force £170,000 over two years. That's a lot of coppers.
What sort of boobies are driving these things? They have stickers and warning systems and yet the boys in blue insist on getting it wrong, over and over again. "In fairness they have got a mixed fleet of vehicles and this is a high-pressure job,"said Gavin Hill-Smith, a spokesman for the AA. He's too kind.
How tense are they with their fists on the pump? It's not trigger-finger territory is it? All they have to do is, stop, consider and select. Easy. The Met is not the only one. Twenty nine out of 43 forces in England and Wales reported a total of 20,500 vehicles misfilled, at a cost of £338,800. Staggering. They should be banged up for it.
What sort of boobies are driving these things? They have stickers and warning systems and yet the boys in blue insist on getting it wrong, over and over again. "In fairness they have got a mixed fleet of vehicles and this is a high-pressure job,"said Gavin Hill-Smith, a spokesman for the AA. He's too kind.
How tense are they with their fists on the pump? It's not trigger-finger territory is it? All they have to do is, stop, consider and select. Easy. The Met is not the only one. Twenty nine out of 43 forces in England and Wales reported a total of 20,500 vehicles misfilled, at a cost of £338,800. Staggering. They should be banged up for it.
Friday, 8 April 2011
Sadness for Anthony Soh
Many sympathies to the family and friends of Anthony Soh. He had good mates who cared and a family who are now trying to cope with the news of his death.
They will want to piece together the final hours of his life. Some things will never be known but they can all be certain of this - he loved them and he knew they loved him.
People disappear off our streets every day. Some have family who never cease searching, others have no one to mourn them. Anthony was not one of those.
They will want to piece together the final hours of his life. Some things will never be known but they can all be certain of this - he loved them and he knew they loved him.
People disappear off our streets every day. Some have family who never cease searching, others have no one to mourn them. Anthony was not one of those.
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Church of the Ungodly
God - if he exists - must be rolling his eyes in horror at the ways of his faithful. Still reeling from paedophile priests we now learn that Catholic clergy in Spain are accused of stealing up to 300,000 babies between 1950 and 1990. Jesus! Bit of a bolt from the blue that one. Doctors were the main culprits, pretending the children had died, but the clergy helped them out because they disapproved of under-age or single mothers.
Antonio Barroso was told that a nun had been paid 150,000 pesetas for him. "This became a Mafia business, " says Enrique Vila, a lawyer acting on behalf of families trying to trace relatives. A DNA database has been set up. Things could get worse for the church but it's hard to see how.
Puts the vicar who stole cash to buy food and clothes for the poor into perspective. The Rev Vaughan Leonard of Oldham, thought he had taken about £250 that should have gone to the church from funerals and weddings. An investigation discovered £14,434 missing. That's a lot of socks and sandwiches.
Antonio Barroso was told that a nun had been paid 150,000 pesetas for him. "This became a Mafia business, " says Enrique Vila, a lawyer acting on behalf of families trying to trace relatives. A DNA database has been set up. Things could get worse for the church but it's hard to see how.
Puts the vicar who stole cash to buy food and clothes for the poor into perspective. The Rev Vaughan Leonard of Oldham, thought he had taken about £250 that should have gone to the church from funerals and weddings. An investigation discovered £14,434 missing. That's a lot of socks and sandwiches.
Tuesday, 5 April 2011
Kate Bush New Single
Big day for Kate Bush! Releasing her brand-new digital version of Deeper Understanding. Wow! It's Ken's record of the week on Radio 2, so it must be good. Except it isn't. It's dire.
Aside from the fact that a different version is hardly new, it's only available online and a download costs 89p. Save it. This is a song all about turning your computer on and pressing execute. Exciting no? There's someone with a speech defect in the backround, trying to sing with a mouth full of marbles. Or strep throat. Doesn't sound good. None of it does.
Used to like KB. Warbled along to Wuthering Heights. It was weird, but it was fun, especially when she came on telly doing gentle gymnastics in diaphanous frocks. Getting on a bit for that. She has her fans, but give me Taylor Swift any day.
Aside from the fact that a different version is hardly new, it's only available online and a download costs 89p. Save it. This is a song all about turning your computer on and pressing execute. Exciting no? There's someone with a speech defect in the backround, trying to sing with a mouth full of marbles. Or strep throat. Doesn't sound good. None of it does.
Used to like KB. Warbled along to Wuthering Heights. It was weird, but it was fun, especially when she came on telly doing gentle gymnastics in diaphanous frocks. Getting on a bit for that. She has her fans, but give me Taylor Swift any day.
Monday, 4 April 2011
Frankie's not Funny
Not that fond of Jordan. Or Katie Price, as she likes to be known. Normally I'd be the last to mention her, since she never shuts up about herself, but Frankie lad, be a big boy and admit that you were bang out of order. Wrong on every count.
That joke about Price needing a man strong enough to protect her from her disabled son"s sexual advances. Yes, that was meant to be funny. You laughing? Me neither. Frankie Boyle has a genius streak for finding comedy anywhere. I love him for it.
Just not there Frankie. You overstepped the mark by about, oh, a light year or so. Not saying you can't poke fun at the disabled though to be fair, they do a better job themselves. Children, no. Blind, disabled children? Never. I think Frankie knows it. He let his grubby gob run away with him again. Channel Four though is standing by him. They are all set to defy the broadcasting regulator.
Why? Chief executive David Abraham says:" The context of that joke was clearly and manifestly satirical." So, everybody happy with that?
That joke about Price needing a man strong enough to protect her from her disabled son"s sexual advances. Yes, that was meant to be funny. You laughing? Me neither. Frankie Boyle has a genius streak for finding comedy anywhere. I love him for it.
Just not there Frankie. You overstepped the mark by about, oh, a light year or so. Not saying you can't poke fun at the disabled though to be fair, they do a better job themselves. Children, no. Blind, disabled children? Never. I think Frankie knows it. He let his grubby gob run away with him again. Channel Four though is standing by him. They are all set to defy the broadcasting regulator.
Why? Chief executive David Abraham says:" The context of that joke was clearly and manifestly satirical." So, everybody happy with that?
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