Losing it here. Sanity slipping away like snow off a roof. Just can't believe IT'S STILL JANUARY! Has the planet given up and died? Rolled to a halt? Christmas was ages ago, at least six months, and here we are, still talking about the New Year! Move on people!
Tomorrow sees us into February. Joy of joys. This winter is totally outstaying its welcome! A bit of snow is fine, get the sledge out, put the fire on, consider roasting a chestnut or two, usual seasonal stuff with a time for it under heaven and all that. But this has been going on for decades! The gas bill is topping third world debt. I'm wearing three jumpers, pyjamas under my jeans and a hat with flaps, that's inside the house, and it's still not enough!
Considering hibernation next year. Going to bed with a box of Hob-nobs and a teasmade. Be like a squirrel, rousing occasionally, but happy to stay put until the sensible weather returns. Absolutely refuse to do this again.
Mind the daffodils are peaking out in our miserable excuse for a garden. Mostly under the trampoline - such chutzpah - and the nights are getting lighter, slowly. Maybe Spring is just a bit shy, hanging back, like a spotty kid at a disco. Feel like shouting: " "Want you now! Get your sweet self over here you're hot, hot, hot!"
Monday, 31 January 2011
Saturday, 29 January 2011
Super model for Sale
Fancy your own battleship? Nothing like a couple of English eccentrics to out a big grin on your face and they don't come any quirkier than the pair selling a stonking great boat on eBay. It's the HMS Cornwallis, a model battleship, 5m long and correct in every detail - including the little sailor chappies on the deck.
Best bit is - lift the lid and two old codgers can fit inside. Bit snug, but they can take to the boating lake complete with pyrotechnics and sound effects. It's a masterpiece, a wondrous piece of kit! Puts your average pedallo to shame.
The top comes down so the guys are hidden inside. Smoke pours out of the funnels and the guns boom big time. For fun they've installed a water pistol and a ship's cat. Must have taken forever to build, no idea what it will sell for - bid stands at £2,995 at the moment, should go much higher. Sheer silliness in motion. Take a look - you won"t be disappointed!
Best bit is - lift the lid and two old codgers can fit inside. Bit snug, but they can take to the boating lake complete with pyrotechnics and sound effects. It's a masterpiece, a wondrous piece of kit! Puts your average pedallo to shame.
The top comes down so the guys are hidden inside. Smoke pours out of the funnels and the guns boom big time. For fun they've installed a water pistol and a ship's cat. Must have taken forever to build, no idea what it will sell for - bid stands at £2,995 at the moment, should go much higher. Sheer silliness in motion. Take a look - you won"t be disappointed!
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
In a Mad World Maddie Shows the Way
Bit embarrassing that it's an American bringing guns in to Britain. You have to ask, with friends like these...There we were, taking our shoes and belts off and ditching our bottled water, all in the name of safety. The Americans themselves were particularly keen that the rest of us comply, while they go shooting little girls outside supermarkets. Odd that.
In a crazy world, I'm giving the final word to 15-year-old Maddie Mortimer, who lost her mum to cancer recently. She makes more sense. Writing in The Times today she says:" Nothing is quite the same, everything has a slightly darker shades to it. It doesn't get better. I'm learning to live with it.
"Strangely I have been having moments of complete happiness. I realise you can't be sad all the time, that's not how it works You have to embrace the happy moments, let them linger and not feel guilty that they exist in such sad circumstances."
In a crazy world, I'm giving the final word to 15-year-old Maddie Mortimer, who lost her mum to cancer recently. She makes more sense. Writing in The Times today she says:" Nothing is quite the same, everything has a slightly darker shades to it. It doesn't get better. I'm learning to live with it.
"Strangely I have been having moments of complete happiness. I realise you can't be sad all the time, that's not how it works You have to embrace the happy moments, let them linger and not feel guilty that they exist in such sad circumstances."
Sunday, 23 January 2011
Top Gear Cheer for the Big Boys
Top Gear's back! New Stig, great cars - but what about the skill? Twice tonight we saw some of the most amazing expertise TV can boast - and it wasn't coming from Clarkson and co. Was there any credit - what do you think?
It's a great show, no doubt about it, but are those three up themselves? It's OK not to name the Stig - nobody wants that - but what about the pilots? The amazing guys who did incredible stuff in helicopters. Did we find out who they are? Did we heck as Jeremy would say.
He drove a Skoda Yeti while a helicopter landed on the roof. Incredible! What an ace flyer! He couldn't see the landing pad and had to abort once because it was too risky. Did it though. I can't have been the only one gobsmacked at such skill.
Then another pilot took a VW Beetle a mile into the sky, a great lump of crud hanging from a winch, whirling in the wind like a yo-yo on a string. Then he dropped it. That was the easy part. Hammond had to avoid it - probably not as hard as it looked. Did we find out who either pilot was or see their faces? Course not.
Maybe they are shy. If so, fine, their choice entirely. But maybe these three are too scared to share the spotlight. We love you lads but let's hear it for the big boys!
It's a great show, no doubt about it, but are those three up themselves? It's OK not to name the Stig - nobody wants that - but what about the pilots? The amazing guys who did incredible stuff in helicopters. Did we find out who they are? Did we heck as Jeremy would say.
He drove a Skoda Yeti while a helicopter landed on the roof. Incredible! What an ace flyer! He couldn't see the landing pad and had to abort once because it was too risky. Did it though. I can't have been the only one gobsmacked at such skill.
Then another pilot took a VW Beetle a mile into the sky, a great lump of crud hanging from a winch, whirling in the wind like a yo-yo on a string. Then he dropped it. That was the easy part. Hammond had to avoid it - probably not as hard as it looked. Did we find out who either pilot was or see their faces? Course not.
Maybe they are shy. If so, fine, their choice entirely. But maybe these three are too scared to share the spotlight. We love you lads but let's hear it for the big boys!
Thursday, 20 January 2011
Spare a Thought
Diets. diets - some people are dying because of diets. Yet come New Year and the mags are full of them. In this obesity crisis spare a thought for those who stand like a bag of bones before the mirror and see fat, fat, fat.
It's all in the head of course. Most dangerous place for it and the hardest of all to shift. Today The Times tells us of mum Marie Caro, who has killed herself after failing to save her child Isabelle from anorexia. You can bet she did her best. Everything possible, but is still wasn't enough. Isabelle Caro, 28, modelled for a shock poster in 2007. She knew the danger she was in and wanted to warn others.
But the photographer who took the pictures of a stick-thin girl with huge scared eyes called her arrogant and self-promoting after her death. Harsh words for a mother to hear. Anorexia is a disease about control. It's suffered by girls and boys desperate for a grip on life that can be whisked away by fluke or just a whim of the weather.
It's one of the hardest to cure. So let's zip the puppy-fat remarks and the wobbly-bit banter and maybe we can all feel a whole lot better about ourselves.
It's all in the head of course. Most dangerous place for it and the hardest of all to shift. Today The Times tells us of mum Marie Caro, who has killed herself after failing to save her child Isabelle from anorexia. You can bet she did her best. Everything possible, but is still wasn't enough. Isabelle Caro, 28, modelled for a shock poster in 2007. She knew the danger she was in and wanted to warn others.
But the photographer who took the pictures of a stick-thin girl with huge scared eyes called her arrogant and self-promoting after her death. Harsh words for a mother to hear. Anorexia is a disease about control. It's suffered by girls and boys desperate for a grip on life that can be whisked away by fluke or just a whim of the weather.
It's one of the hardest to cure. So let's zip the puppy-fat remarks and the wobbly-bit banter and maybe we can all feel a whole lot better about ourselves.
Monday, 17 January 2011
What a Shower in Milan
So, you need to wear a plastic mac to keep your Burberry dry? Is that what they are telling us at the Milan fashion show? Did they look like plonkers or not? Be honest! Thought the whole thing about a Burberry was that it was an expensive designer raincoat built to last - AND KEEP THE RAIN OFF.
So why did all those models look like grannies off to the Bingo with their see-through plastic macs and hoods. Like pensioners on parade. And in Italy, where they are born knowing what's hot and not.
The rain shower was a good idea. A bit Alton Towers, but fun. The cover-ups are a theme park thing too. Softies get them for the water slides. The rest of us settle for a drenching. Seems the Burberry isn't quite up to it if they have to go in for condom coats indoors. Or at least that's the message I'm getting.
So why did all those models look like grannies off to the Bingo with their see-through plastic macs and hoods. Like pensioners on parade. And in Italy, where they are born knowing what's hot and not.
The rain shower was a good idea. A bit Alton Towers, but fun. The cover-ups are a theme park thing too. Softies get them for the water slides. The rest of us settle for a drenching. Seems the Burberry isn't quite up to it if they have to go in for condom coats indoors. Or at least that's the message I'm getting.
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Sting's sharing Sex Tips Again
Sting's dad used to deliver my milk. Bit of shared history there, coming from the same part of the world as we do. So as one Geordie to another I say: " Shut up about your sex life bonny lad."
Latest is he's telling in posh mag Harpers bizarre, sorry Bazaar, how he and Trudie like to dress up. There's pics of them kissing and looking smug. Must they? Last we heard they were into tantric sex, with the wits saying it was like waiting for a plumber - you stay in all day and nobody comes. Or as Jimmy Carr remarked: " Imagine how long he could keep it up if she was a looker."
See? It's not nice. Set yourself up nicely for that one Gordon lad, should have seen it coming. Took your eye off the ball. At 59, what you do with your wife is your own business. Keep it to yourself pet, like your mam used to say.
Latest is he's telling in posh mag Harpers bizarre, sorry Bazaar, how he and Trudie like to dress up. There's pics of them kissing and looking smug. Must they? Last we heard they were into tantric sex, with the wits saying it was like waiting for a plumber - you stay in all day and nobody comes. Or as Jimmy Carr remarked: " Imagine how long he could keep it up if she was a looker."
See? It's not nice. Set yourself up nicely for that one Gordon lad, should have seen it coming. Took your eye off the ball. At 59, what you do with your wife is your own business. Keep it to yourself pet, like your mam used to say.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)