Got to be Royal to get it really, really wrong! Go large and be damned is their motto. With them, nobody is a headcase, they are rolling, raving, rip your kit off, loony. Not just drunken uncles, it"s gurning granny lush with Bell's on.
But Sarah, she's a marvel isn't she? In the mire again. She's lost millions, found it and then, lost the lot! Skint! HOW? A million quid makes a block the size of a house. She's just gone down to the tune of £3.2m. The lass is a walking financial black hole. Why would anyone trust their cash to her a second time? Call yourself a duchess and the serfs shower you with their cash.
Andy, they used to call him Randy but she's knocked that right out of him, is at his wit's end. Bail the ex-wife out again. For the sake of the kids. She's a nice person, don't doubt it, but I wouldn't trust her to pay the parking meter. The car would be towed away by lunch time.
Saturday, 14 August 2010
Friday, 13 August 2010
Goggling at Google
Wildlife photographers do it all the time - but Google? Was no one else amazed that the driver of the Google mapping car didn't stop to help a child lying flat out by the road? Did they see the kid lie down, have a giggle at her antics and then move off? Or was she already playing dead as they went past and, like the lads who work in the jungle, they left well alone as this was nature at work? I find it weird.
Nature though - didn't she put on a great show last night! Lying in the back garden I wasn't expecting very much then - wow! Massive, great, stella snowball out of nowhere! Stood there yelling with glee! Seeing the wide universe at work reveals how tiny you are. Strange how happy that makes you. Brings out the big kid every time.
Nature though - didn't she put on a great show last night! Lying in the back garden I wasn't expecting very much then - wow! Massive, great, stella snowball out of nowhere! Stood there yelling with glee! Seeing the wide universe at work reveals how tiny you are. Strange how happy that makes you. Brings out the big kid every time.
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Give Tony's Tome a Swerve
Are you clamming to get your hands on Tony Blair's new book? No, me neither. The ramblings of a lying politician who took us into an illegal war are not on my must-have reading list.
Not everyone feels the same. Some poor souls will be queuing up at Waterstones in the hope of getting a signed copy from their hero. Well, best of luck because the chances are slim. Tony doesn't like his fans very much. He will not speak to them or have his pic taken, so don't even think about asking where the money went.
This is after checking in all bags, cameras and phones and waiting in a queue. For what is probably a dreadful book that tells us nothing new. Peter got there first. How about we all give the whole shebang a swerve and just leave him sitting there on his lonesome? Wouldn't that be peachy? He'd be looking around saying:" What did I do wrong?" Who wants to be the first to tell him?
Not everyone feels the same. Some poor souls will be queuing up at Waterstones in the hope of getting a signed copy from their hero. Well, best of luck because the chances are slim. Tony doesn't like his fans very much. He will not speak to them or have his pic taken, so don't even think about asking where the money went.
This is after checking in all bags, cameras and phones and waiting in a queue. For what is probably a dreadful book that tells us nothing new. Peter got there first. How about we all give the whole shebang a swerve and just leave him sitting there on his lonesome? Wouldn't that be peachy? He'd be looking around saying:" What did I do wrong?" Who wants to be the first to tell him?
Sunday, 8 August 2010
Never Mind a Slap - Pass the Axe
Heard of the latest best-seller The Slap? it's about a man who smacks someone else's kid. How amazingly, incredibly, courageous is that? That's the bravest thing I've ever heard of - short of disarming bombs that is.
There is no way anyone should try this at home! I once asked a kid, nicely, to stop bashing the back of my seat at the cinema and practically got my head kicked in by his horrendous, foul-mouthed mother who reckoned I was all shades of evil for finding even the tiniest fault with her son.
We moved schools after a short, quiet ,telling-off of a reknowned bully in the playground let to a ban on us coming into the school and a huge round of applause for the nasty little minx. Bitter? Dead right I am.
Not violent by nature but some kids make you want to take up an axe and make firewood of them. Quickly followed on top of the bonfire by their almost always awful parents. I'd serve the time - worth it for making the world a better place!
There is no way anyone should try this at home! I once asked a kid, nicely, to stop bashing the back of my seat at the cinema and practically got my head kicked in by his horrendous, foul-mouthed mother who reckoned I was all shades of evil for finding even the tiniest fault with her son.
We moved schools after a short, quiet ,telling-off of a reknowned bully in the playground let to a ban on us coming into the school and a huge round of applause for the nasty little minx. Bitter? Dead right I am.
Not violent by nature but some kids make you want to take up an axe and make firewood of them. Quickly followed on top of the bonfire by their almost always awful parents. I'd serve the time - worth it for making the world a better place!
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Big Hug for Barack
Really, really want to give Barack Obama a hug! Of course he's hot - did you see that catch-your-breath pic of him in the boater when he was a student? So what he's now 49, the guy is LOADED!
But this was a "never mind pet" hug, because for the very first time, I feel a mite sorry for him. It was his birthday yesterday, and let's face it, 49 is a toughie. Hitting 50 feels like a ticket all the way down to the trash can.
The poor lad was all on his lonesome, with wife Michelle and youngest daughter sunning in Spain and other child off to summer camp. Michelle knew just what to do - she organised an electronic card with a million supporters' signatures. Mighty Dandy! Just what the man needed. He KNOWS he has a million female strangers gagging for him, never mind political allies. That's not the point.
When you think, wrongly in his case, that old age is nipping at your rear end what you want is the close loving support of your nearest and dearest, not the - electronic - good wishes of strangers. Better get it together next year Michelle or honest to god I'll be over there to show you how it's done!
But this was a "never mind pet" hug, because for the very first time, I feel a mite sorry for him. It was his birthday yesterday, and let's face it, 49 is a toughie. Hitting 50 feels like a ticket all the way down to the trash can.
The poor lad was all on his lonesome, with wife Michelle and youngest daughter sunning in Spain and other child off to summer camp. Michelle knew just what to do - she organised an electronic card with a million supporters' signatures. Mighty Dandy! Just what the man needed. He KNOWS he has a million female strangers gagging for him, never mind political allies. That's not the point.
When you think, wrongly in his case, that old age is nipping at your rear end what you want is the close loving support of your nearest and dearest, not the - electronic - good wishes of strangers. Better get it together next year Michelle or honest to god I'll be over there to show you how it's done!
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Brain Dead in the Bush
Turn on sat-nav switch off brain! Why does a box on the dash shut down all rational thought in some people?
A British couple were driving with two teenage lads in the outback of Australia when their sat-nav told them to taker a short cut through the bush. Ignoring the Road Closed signs they carried on regardless - and ended up stuck in the mud for four days when torrential rain turned the unsealed road into a bog.
Mrs Lorraine Emtage said: " We were living in the car stuck on a tilt with little food and water" They tried to dig the car out with their bare hands and were finally rescued when the police abandoned their own car and walked 3km to reach them. A cop said: 'When you get enough rain the roads become impassable - that's why they are closed!"
The car is still stuck because the council can't even reach it with a tractor. I love sat-navs - Cambridge is living hell without one - but whoever claimed they could read?
A British couple were driving with two teenage lads in the outback of Australia when their sat-nav told them to taker a short cut through the bush. Ignoring the Road Closed signs they carried on regardless - and ended up stuck in the mud for four days when torrential rain turned the unsealed road into a bog.
Mrs Lorraine Emtage said: " We were living in the car stuck on a tilt with little food and water" They tried to dig the car out with their bare hands and were finally rescued when the police abandoned their own car and walked 3km to reach them. A cop said: 'When you get enough rain the roads become impassable - that's why they are closed!"
The car is still stuck because the council can't even reach it with a tractor. I love sat-navs - Cambridge is living hell without one - but whoever claimed they could read?
Monday, 2 August 2010
All Over Casanova
Romeo has lost the plot! Romance is dead and the girls are broken-hearted. Panda eyes rule! The latest news - Italians are no longer the hottest lovers. That's like saying chocolate is evil or Christmas has been cancelled.
The Latins were always the best, with their soulful brown eyes and tight, white jeans. Not to my taste, a well-rounded Geordie lass keen on strong men rather than kitten-hipped Casanovas but that's just me.
Now a poll by an Italian magazine of 1,000 foreign women has found that 79% find Italian men humourless, grumpy and too close to their mothers. Phew that's telling them! Even the home birds are finding fault, with a medical conference in Rome discovering that six out pf ten Italian women are dissatisfied with their love lives.
Oh dear - time to hear it from the boys? Timeless Sophia Loren apart, it's a push to stay bella on pasta and pizza. Any lover will wilt when faced with the flab. Do the ladies need to see if they measure up too?
The Latins were always the best, with their soulful brown eyes and tight, white jeans. Not to my taste, a well-rounded Geordie lass keen on strong men rather than kitten-hipped Casanovas but that's just me.
Now a poll by an Italian magazine of 1,000 foreign women has found that 79% find Italian men humourless, grumpy and too close to their mothers. Phew that's telling them! Even the home birds are finding fault, with a medical conference in Rome discovering that six out pf ten Italian women are dissatisfied with their love lives.
Oh dear - time to hear it from the boys? Timeless Sophia Loren apart, it's a push to stay bella on pasta and pizza. Any lover will wilt when faced with the flab. Do the ladies need to see if they measure up too?
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