Jeremy Clarkson eat your heart out! All the stunts on Top Gear are as naught compared with this. The Mayor of Vilnius has pulled off a corker! See the picture in The Times today of his answer to illegal parking. Just drive a tank over any luxury car that gets in your way. There's the man himself, sticking out of the hatch, up on two wheels and having the time of his life!
Only in Lithuania. They can to do a decent crackdown. It was only a yellow line, but still. They know how to go large. No petty little bureaucracy for them. We get done for having a ticket the wrong way up, or for outstaying our welcome by a couple of minutes. We spit and hiss but end up doing the same thing again.
Not in Vilnius. Leave your motor in the wrong place and come back to find you can post it through your door. That's telling them.
Friday 30 September 2011
Sunday 25 September 2011
White Britsh Kids Have Worst Parents
"Bang their heads together and knock some sense in," as my old mum used to say. Turns out white working class kids, as I was once, are failing to learn their own language. They start school unable to speak their mother tongue.
That is horrifying! What is going on in this country when we can't teach our kids to speak? Other children from ethnic minorities have better English than white children - and this is their second language. Di Morgan, a head teacher in South London, says: "The truth is, a lot of our white children in nursery have fewer words of English than bilingual children."
What's going wrong? Fact is, education was seen as a way out of the council estates for my generation. We wanted something better. Ethnic minorities share this view. Parents who spend more time on Facebook and their iphones than talking to their kids are the ones depriving the next generation of a decent future. They should be deeply ashamed of themselves, but are they? Naaaah.
That is horrifying! What is going on in this country when we can't teach our kids to speak? Other children from ethnic minorities have better English than white children - and this is their second language. Di Morgan, a head teacher in South London, says: "The truth is, a lot of our white children in nursery have fewer words of English than bilingual children."
What's going wrong? Fact is, education was seen as a way out of the council estates for my generation. We wanted something better. Ethnic minorities share this view. Parents who spend more time on Facebook and their iphones than talking to their kids are the ones depriving the next generation of a decent future. They should be deeply ashamed of themselves, but are they? Naaaah.
Thursday 22 September 2011
Royals, Rugby and a Right Drubbing
Built like a brick privvy, Mike Tindall is a big lad. He can take a knock or two on the rugby pitch. Facing the wife will be a different story. His insides will be curling like a woodlouse on a hot brick. Not happy.
Neither is his wife, the former Zara Phillips, daughter of that foul-mouthed stalwart of the Royal family Princess Anne. They tell it like it is, so he can expect no quarter when she decides to engage him on the subject of his nose and that girl's cleavage.
After all, she could have expected a bit more discipline, not to say devotion, after only six weeks of marriage. Other women's bosoms should be strictly off limits, at least for a couple of months or so. Old friend she may be, but what was he thinking of, burying his face in her front! We can guess. We wouldn't be far wrong.
That probably won't exercise Zara much. She knew what she was getting herself into. It's you Mike. All the old hands could have told him, Prince Philip, Snowdon, Mark Phillips even. Being a Royal add-on is always a pain. You get all of the unwanted attention, but nobody rates you much.
Keep the grappling to the pitch Mike. There's always someone close by with a camera. Or a phone. These days everyone is paparazzi. Get used to it pal - your life is not your own.
Neither is his wife, the former Zara Phillips, daughter of that foul-mouthed stalwart of the Royal family Princess Anne. They tell it like it is, so he can expect no quarter when she decides to engage him on the subject of his nose and that girl's cleavage.
After all, she could have expected a bit more discipline, not to say devotion, after only six weeks of marriage. Other women's bosoms should be strictly off limits, at least for a couple of months or so. Old friend she may be, but what was he thinking of, burying his face in her front! We can guess. We wouldn't be far wrong.
That probably won't exercise Zara much. She knew what she was getting herself into. It's you Mike. All the old hands could have told him, Prince Philip, Snowdon, Mark Phillips even. Being a Royal add-on is always a pain. You get all of the unwanted attention, but nobody rates you much.
Keep the grappling to the pitch Mike. There's always someone close by with a camera. Or a phone. These days everyone is paparazzi. Get used to it pal - your life is not your own.
Wednesday 21 September 2011
Troy Davis Dies Tonight
No great fan of hanging. Terrible crimes deserve the worst punishment, but a humane end is not it. Life should mean life, so the truly evil among us plenty of time to regret. A quick, easy way out is not guaranteed to the innocent, so why the guilty?
Something about the execution planned for tonight in Georgia that upsets me. Not familiar with the case, I could be missing something, but 42-year-old Troy Davis will die later today for killing a policeman 22 years ago. Seven witnesses now say he didn't do it, but all appeals have failed.
Nobody seems to stay in jail for 22 years here, other than the Rosemary Wests and Peter Sutcliffes of this world. Wouldn't want them out on the streets anytime soon. Let them rot where they are. I'm happy to help pay for their upkeep, just as long as the luxuries are limited and the days are endless.
Keeping a man awaiting a death sentence for 22 years and then killing him while he is still in the prime of life seems wrong, especially where there is doubt. The Americans have more people in prison than any other country on earth. This may be their way of making space. Not so sure about it myself.
Something about the execution planned for tonight in Georgia that upsets me. Not familiar with the case, I could be missing something, but 42-year-old Troy Davis will die later today for killing a policeman 22 years ago. Seven witnesses now say he didn't do it, but all appeals have failed.
Nobody seems to stay in jail for 22 years here, other than the Rosemary Wests and Peter Sutcliffes of this world. Wouldn't want them out on the streets anytime soon. Let them rot where they are. I'm happy to help pay for their upkeep, just as long as the luxuries are limited and the days are endless.
Keeping a man awaiting a death sentence for 22 years and then killing him while he is still in the prime of life seems wrong, especially where there is doubt. The Americans have more people in prison than any other country on earth. This may be their way of making space. Not so sure about it myself.
Sunday 18 September 2011
Gunning for Bad Boy Boris
Sniper"s gunning for Big Boris. Someone thinks the London Mayor's been shirking. Not pulling his considerable weight. All because Boris wanted to be the "bubbles in the champagne," rather than the guy who serves the drinks. Bung the boring stuff to someone else, that's his style.
Who would have thought it! Boris, not interested in the tedius day to day detail? Well, heavens, there's a surprise. Nobody is saying the stuff was beyond him. This is no intellectual slouch. Our Boris is a bright boy so he did what anyone would do. He got a man in.
He sees himself as colour with clout. Listen to him talking about the recent riots. He needs no autocue. When it counts, Boris can come up with the right stuff. In 2008 his campaign chiefs sold him as, "a chairman Mayor, backed up by an absolutely top flight chief operating officer," reveals Johnson's biographer Sonia Purnell.
"Just the ticket!" thought the posh one. Others were a bit snide about it. Sniffy even. "He seemed to want to be Mayor because it's a big job and it was there for him," said one old hand.
No,really? He wanted it so he could sit behind a huge pile of paperwork day and night, whimpering softly and pleading that he hated it and can he go home now? We all know what Boris is. Upfront in every sense. A jolly japer, he has no scruples about bedding women, the more the merrier. Expecting tight discipline of him is to ask a greedy Labrador to go on a diet.
There are plenty of grey guys about. We could have had one of those. Instead, we voted for Boris and his bikes. We wanted bubbles - not boredom.
Who would have thought it! Boris, not interested in the tedius day to day detail? Well, heavens, there's a surprise. Nobody is saying the stuff was beyond him. This is no intellectual slouch. Our Boris is a bright boy so he did what anyone would do. He got a man in.
He sees himself as colour with clout. Listen to him talking about the recent riots. He needs no autocue. When it counts, Boris can come up with the right stuff. In 2008 his campaign chiefs sold him as, "a chairman Mayor, backed up by an absolutely top flight chief operating officer," reveals Johnson's biographer Sonia Purnell.
"Just the ticket!" thought the posh one. Others were a bit snide about it. Sniffy even. "He seemed to want to be Mayor because it's a big job and it was there for him," said one old hand.
No,really? He wanted it so he could sit behind a huge pile of paperwork day and night, whimpering softly and pleading that he hated it and can he go home now? We all know what Boris is. Upfront in every sense. A jolly japer, he has no scruples about bedding women, the more the merrier. Expecting tight discipline of him is to ask a greedy Labrador to go on a diet.
There are plenty of grey guys about. We could have had one of those. Instead, we voted for Boris and his bikes. We wanted bubbles - not boredom.
Thursday 15 September 2011
NHS Must Stop the Torture
What's the second worst thing about hospitals? The pumps. They work the drips. Except that they don't. Almost everyone admitted to hospital gets put on a saline drip to hydrate them. Excellent, they make a huge difference.
The pumps though, don't. They are not necessary at all. Every little movement of an old man in his bed stops them and an alarm sounds. It"s an urgent beep. Since the alarms are so sensitive there is a pump on every ward going off every five minutes. Right through the night.
"Some people get so furious they wreck them," said one nurse to us. " They just tear them apart, it drives them insane. We don't even need them. Time was when a nurse would just look down the ward and see who needed a bag changing. We didn't need an alarm for that. Gravity works the drip, so a pump isn't necessary, but health and safety said we must have them, so here they are"
We were there one day. Got through three pumps, because they break down by themselves. No help required. My washing machine beeps when it's done. It's insistent, so can't be ignored. Imagine that when you are sick, or even dying, and the noise goes on and on. Torture. Expensive too, since they need fixing so often.
Someone needs to do something. It would save the NHS millions if they scrapped the lot. It would also mean nurses having to look down the ward just a bit more. That would get rid of the worst thing about hospitals. No one would have to ask, ask and ask again for help with the toilet.
The pumps though, don't. They are not necessary at all. Every little movement of an old man in his bed stops them and an alarm sounds. It"s an urgent beep. Since the alarms are so sensitive there is a pump on every ward going off every five minutes. Right through the night.
"Some people get so furious they wreck them," said one nurse to us. " They just tear them apart, it drives them insane. We don't even need them. Time was when a nurse would just look down the ward and see who needed a bag changing. We didn't need an alarm for that. Gravity works the drip, so a pump isn't necessary, but health and safety said we must have them, so here they are"
We were there one day. Got through three pumps, because they break down by themselves. No help required. My washing machine beeps when it's done. It's insistent, so can't be ignored. Imagine that when you are sick, or even dying, and the noise goes on and on. Torture. Expensive too, since they need fixing so often.
Someone needs to do something. It would save the NHS millions if they scrapped the lot. It would also mean nurses having to look down the ward just a bit more. That would get rid of the worst thing about hospitals. No one would have to ask, ask and ask again for help with the toilet.
Thursday 8 September 2011
Captain Jack Sparrow Out of His Depth
Somali pirates keeping you awake at night? Thought not. Get this though - there are 346 hostages, 3 tankers, 4 bulk carriers, 1 merchant ship, 3 fishing boats 2 cargo ships, 1 yacht and three other vessels in their hands right now.
They've been busy. A £2m ransom has just been paid for a Danish family daft enough to stray into their waters. One of the pirates said he would free the Johansens if he could marry the 13-year-old girl. Her two brothers, both under 17, were also aboard when their yacht was captured in the Indian Ocean in February.
Dad Jan had spent a fair bit of the trip boasting on the internet that they "had not been attacked by pirates!" believing his route would keep them safe. Ah well, best laid plans. A botched rescue attempt left seven people dead.
Is it time to get heavy with these people? As the family were told; "These murderous thugs are not like Johnnie Depp." Piracy is big business for one of the poorest countries on the planet. Ransoms float their economy. Would I pay? Of course I would, but maybe it's time for the international community to bring out the big bucks and guns.
They've been busy. A £2m ransom has just been paid for a Danish family daft enough to stray into their waters. One of the pirates said he would free the Johansens if he could marry the 13-year-old girl. Her two brothers, both under 17, were also aboard when their yacht was captured in the Indian Ocean in February.
Dad Jan had spent a fair bit of the trip boasting on the internet that they "had not been attacked by pirates!" believing his route would keep them safe. Ah well, best laid plans. A botched rescue attempt left seven people dead.
Is it time to get heavy with these people? As the family were told; "These murderous thugs are not like Johnnie Depp." Piracy is big business for one of the poorest countries on the planet. Ransoms float their economy. Would I pay? Of course I would, but maybe it's time for the international community to bring out the big bucks and guns.
Sunday 4 September 2011
Ozzie and Me Shakin' Together
With or without? Caffeine that is. Some people can't get enough. Ozzy Osbourne did a gene test that showed he couldn't metabolise the stuff. It gave him the shakes. Hmmm, nice one Ozzie, worth a try old son. Made me think.
I love coffee, but I bounce off walls after one cup. If I get the seconds in I"ll be sloshing it everywhere. Not much makes the table. I feared Parkinsons. Then Ozzie revealed his enzyme lack and I wondered and decided to give it a miss. Bingo! No more shaky saucers.
Now they tell me it's all in the mind.The University of East London did a blind test where students were told they were drinking caffeinated coffee when they were not, and vice versa. Test showed the ones who thought they had a chemical hit did as well or badly as the others. No difference noted.
Weird that. Nobody will ever convince me that caffeine has no effect. It might not help me solve puzzles, but it certainly rattles my cage, bugs my eyes and sends me straight to overload and no amount of student testing will convince me otherwise.
I love coffee, but I bounce off walls after one cup. If I get the seconds in I"ll be sloshing it everywhere. Not much makes the table. I feared Parkinsons. Then Ozzie revealed his enzyme lack and I wondered and decided to give it a miss. Bingo! No more shaky saucers.
Now they tell me it's all in the mind.The University of East London did a blind test where students were told they were drinking caffeinated coffee when they were not, and vice versa. Test showed the ones who thought they had a chemical hit did as well or badly as the others. No difference noted.
Weird that. Nobody will ever convince me that caffeine has no effect. It might not help me solve puzzles, but it certainly rattles my cage, bugs my eyes and sends me straight to overload and no amount of student testing will convince me otherwise.
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