ComicCon Weirdly Wonderful

ComicCon is huge -  and totally weird! Tried it this weekend at Excel in London. Couple of impressions: what's with the free hugs guys? Why are so many needy types wandering around with scrappy carboard messages saying: "Free hugs." 

Let's be honest here - most of them are not that attractive. They seem, well, needy. The hugs are for them, rather than by them. So wanting those hugs and, from what I saw, not getting them.

Save your pride people and don't bother next time! Other than that, the costumes were incredible! So much work went into them, so many people managed to surprise and amaze by what they could pull together in a witty way. Loved all the Assassins, Dr Octopus, Pyramid Head and Master Chief with a chef's hat. Master stroke! Not forgetting our own Rorschach, the tall one, in the long coat. Good look.

It was fun even if it was a fabulous exercise in making thousands of people part with their money.That being the whole point.

Mind Your Manners Will and Kate

Funny bunch the Royals - but even weirder are the folk who camp out for nights on end just for a glimpse of them. How the Cambridges must have laughed to see such a bunch outside the Chapel where George was Christened this week.

They didn't wave. Just becasue you have a Union Jack suit on doesn't make you one of them. No sir. They don't even see you. One guy spent eight nights out waiting for this baby to be born. Just as well it was July.

The service was private, so no press, no public, just about fifty godparents with billions in the bank. The 100 or so staunch royalists who waited so long for a glimpse  - a smile in their direction would have done - were deeply disappointed. 

William and Kate should take note. These are the people who keep them in privelege. If George is to have a kingdom to rule they had better show a  little bit of kindness, and yes, good manners. They cost nothing.

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Johnny Depp And This Vale of Tears

Johnny Depp's gone blond! So it's not Syria, or the debt crisis, but it's a tragedy all the same! In a world of turmoil and upheaval one constant remained - Johnny Depp was drop dead gorgeous.

Prime ministers could mess it up. Presidents take us to the brink of disaster but there was always Johnny, forever beautiful to feast our eyes on. Now he has been on the peroxide like a cheap tart on Tyneside and my heart is broken.

 Is there no constancy in this firmamenr? No lode star to guide our way? We look to Mr Depp for permanence in a wobbly world, because he is and always has been, buff. Winds could blow, bubbles burst, but Johnny, like good chocolate, would always feed our fantasy.

Disappointed comes no where near. Update your look if you have to Johnny - really there's no need, we love you as you are - but blond! For our Geronimo? It doesn't work Johnnie.  Stay blond if you must, though it fills our souls with sadness, but if you have one shred of affection for the many who weep, change it back, there's a good lad.

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Sharon Slobbers On X Factor

Has Sharon Osbourne lost the plot? Is she in the middle of a second childhood? Only ask because her performance on the XFactor last night resembled something oit of a madhouse.

It was excruciating! While poor Shelley Smith stood awaiting her fate, Sharon threw herself on Louis Walsh, shoving wet kisses all over his face, pleading and begging for his casting vote. It was all " Louis, Louis, please Louis. I'll do anything! " It was get that bolt gun and shoot me now stuff, it was that bad.

What is the matter with the woman? The last row was about her calling a female dancer a paedophile and before the  slurp face-fest she called Abi Alton Abi Dabi. Why?

Sharon used to be feisty and smart. Now she acts more like an old bat who needs to be fed her dinner and is wearing a bib in case she dribbles. Not good. Sharon may be doing this deliberately, believing it plays to the audience, but no. Wrong call, Sharon, wrong call.

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Not Sexist Just Selfish

Bit of a bear pit at the best of times - that's the House of Commons. Just watch them tear shreds off each other at Question Time. Daniel's lions were pussy cats compared to this baying mob.

Showing your soft underbelly is suicide. So it's understandable that seven months pregnant Jo Swinson preferred not to showcase hers. She stood through the whole of the session, saying she was happier that way. It would after all, have been "sexist"  for someone to offer her a seat. 

Daft lass - she's just scared. After all, they don't like women in there and tolerate them only because they look bad if they don't. Giving up one's seat for one? Not done old chap, if they can't take the heat.. etc.

So Jo stood and said nothing. Well I've been seven months pregnant three times and I think she should have prodded the nearest member and told him to stand, pronto. Pointed out the facts of life. Not sexist - selfish to the core, the lot of them. They should all be ashamed of themselves.

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Pills or a Jog? No Choice really

Taking a woof for a walk always lifts the spirits. I've got two dogs right now, double the work and dirt but a good antidote for depression, so they say. I don't doubt it.

Doctors are told to stop pushing pills and suggest a good brisk walk instead. Got to save the NHS millions. Add a dog and the job's done.

Except it isn't, is it? I've never had depression, but I have lived alone and there were weekends when I spoke to no one. A walk through the woods was a no go. Coffee toute seule? Forget it. Never needed pills. I had a busy job to go to on Mondays.

Other people survive for weeks like that. They get very down. Bad things happen. Depression slips through the letter box with the bills. It takes them all their time just to get to the doctor's, never mind a brisk stroll around the park admiring the daffodils. So let's not save too much cash this way. The price for some people is just too high.

Marilyn Monroe RIP - No Chance

What a weird lot we are! Think Marilyn Monroe and what comes to mind? Not her pretty face I bet. She's been called all sorts of a heffalump and since she's dead, who cares?

Size 10 to 16, all the same to me. What I find shocking is that it wasn't enough for men to oggle her from the outide, they wanted to see right through to the inside as well.

A set of three chest X rays sold for $45,000. Someone wanted it all. They had to have her bones, her lungs, her heart itself. What do they do with them - hang them in the loo? Maybe lads with their mags find them a turn on, God help them.

Now we discover she may have had an implant in her chin that began to dissolve. Lovely. All I can say is, back off pervs who want a piece of her! She died aged only 36, a sad, often angry woman who knew she was seen as a commodity. And with a waist measurement of only 22 inches, Marilyn was no more than a size10. Just for the record.