Started off so well, did Call the Midwife. Swerved Top Gear for it, so that says it all. Going to give it a miss after last night. It should have been a corker, mad nun in the dock, silly tart having triplets and a wedding.
Chummy married her policeman, after turning up at the cop shop wearing only her mac. She'd wrapped her dress around a baby boy. Why not the huge slip instead? Pete the plod looked bug-eyed as she leaned over the counter and tittered, " I'm practically naked!" Romantic swine must have slipped it to her in a nearby cell, because snobby Mater was shocked to learn her gal couldn't wear white crimplene after all! Shame.
It was the "What ho Mater!" that got me.The woman is supposed ot be posh, but why the Wooster? Dreary Jenny is still weeping over her married lover. More miserable than a moggie left out in the rain. There is no cheer. Makes you want to finish the bottle and slit your throat.
Jeremy and crew might be as far removed from real life as the cars they drive but at least they have a laugh. I'll swap babies for bangers any day. What ho Stig!
Monday 20 February 2012
Friday 17 February 2012
Spooked by Shy Spiders
There's such a thing as a brown reclusive spider. Shy little beastie but not shy enough. A bite makes your arm drop off. There are black widows, rattlesnakes and wild dogs, just a small selection of the critturs our friends in the US come across.
They gave us a bit of advice when we fancied a visit. " Kill every spider you come across. Back away from rattlers, but the coyotes are cute with their huge ears." So that's alright then. Rattlers don't warn, that shake means," You're in my cross-hairs pal!"
It's the spiders that are spooking me. Black widows, get a bite and you know about it. Excruciating. Seems you have about four hours to see help. You can tell it's a black widow if you turn them over and look at their tummies. As if.
Reclusive browns don't hurt so much, but the evil goes on under the skin and they rot from the inside, bit like the scone left in the microwave too long. Looks OK but there's a horrible, brown, yucky bit in the middle. Worst case you lose a limb, or end up with a nasty wound the size of a dinnerplate. Nice to know they are reclusive. Fine by me. Not about to seek their society any time soon.
They gave us a bit of advice when we fancied a visit. " Kill every spider you come across. Back away from rattlers, but the coyotes are cute with their huge ears." So that's alright then. Rattlers don't warn, that shake means," You're in my cross-hairs pal!"
It's the spiders that are spooking me. Black widows, get a bite and you know about it. Excruciating. Seems you have about four hours to see help. You can tell it's a black widow if you turn them over and look at their tummies. As if.
Reclusive browns don't hurt so much, but the evil goes on under the skin and they rot from the inside, bit like the scone left in the microwave too long. Looks OK but there's a horrible, brown, yucky bit in the middle. Worst case you lose a limb, or end up with a nasty wound the size of a dinnerplate. Nice to know they are reclusive. Fine by me. Not about to seek their society any time soon.
Monday 13 February 2012
It's the Baftas - Bring On The Bling!
Baffled by the Baftas. A silent, black and white walking away with the lot? Mental. Puzzled even more by the shock frock awards. How does Tilda Swinton do it? She wore a shroud and the fashion set fell back in a dead faint, overcome by admiration.
Tilda always looks drab to me but she gets the best seats by the catwalks so clearly she has clout. Weird. But Jessica Chastain, in shimmery metallic, fabulous.The TV men thought so too, she was all over the news and looked amazing. Every woman watching wanted to look that good.
Livia Firth, wife of Colin, wanted to outshine him in the suit department. She wore a Tux. Very black, very boring. Been done soooo many times before. Yet again, the papers loved it. Back home we all thought; " It's the Baftas, stars tripping over each other, for God's sake bring on the bling and BLIND US!
Tilda always looks drab to me but she gets the best seats by the catwalks so clearly she has clout. Weird. But Jessica Chastain, in shimmery metallic, fabulous.The TV men thought so too, she was all over the news and looked amazing. Every woman watching wanted to look that good.
Livia Firth, wife of Colin, wanted to outshine him in the suit department. She wore a Tux. Very black, very boring. Been done soooo many times before. Yet again, the papers loved it. Back home we all thought; " It's the Baftas, stars tripping over each other, for God's sake bring on the bling and BLIND US!
Thursday 9 February 2012
Chinese Parents Should Be in Court
Shocking! The sight of a tiny, almost naked child shivering in the snow freezes the soul. It is horrific. This four-year-old boy, wearing only pants and trainers, is barely old enough to go to school. He cries and pleads as his mother sniggers. It is unbelievably cruel.
Yet his father is proud. He is proud both of his parenting and the pictures. So much so that he loaded the lot onto You Tube. He was trying to toughen up his son. I admit I haven't seen the footage. I could not bear to watch. I will not give screen room to anyone who promotes such suffering.
Had I been in New York and seen this filmed in temperatures that fell to -13C I would have rushed to give this child my coat and called the police. The boy, He Yide is Chinese. His family was on holiday.
People in his home country are divided. Some say the parents' actions are perverted. Others claim families have different ways and should be left alone. No, what's wrong is wrong. This was criminal in anybody's culture.
Yet his father is proud. He is proud both of his parenting and the pictures. So much so that he loaded the lot onto You Tube. He was trying to toughen up his son. I admit I haven't seen the footage. I could not bear to watch. I will not give screen room to anyone who promotes such suffering.
Had I been in New York and seen this filmed in temperatures that fell to -13C I would have rushed to give this child my coat and called the police. The boy, He Yide is Chinese. His family was on holiday.
People in his home country are divided. Some say the parents' actions are perverted. Others claim families have different ways and should be left alone. No, what's wrong is wrong. This was criminal in anybody's culture.
Wednesday 8 February 2012
Cabbage Patch Speaks Out
" Get this Charlie, we're on page !6 of The Times. Right under Prince Charles! Yeh, really, not my best side exactly, looking a bit yellow round the edges, but it's me alright. Wish I'd known! Would have sung a song, might have made Veg Factor. Or told that great joke of mine, only the one, but still, could have been on Mock the Leek.
"Nobody said they were coming, those scientists. Chance missed, I'd say. Been waiting for this all my life. Just look at me, big and round and beautiful! It's the gas they noticed, apparently. Yes, well,you noticed it too. I'm a cabbage, what can you say!.
"Exactly, quite a lot. Chatty bunch in our bed. Can't shut us up. They chopped a bit off Vera. Her again! She just needs to look at caterpillar and she's off screaming blue murder, but this time, THIS time, they spotted the gas. Our gas, which gets a bit, well whiffier, when we get upset. Sends the word round. Seems they can see it now, got a light sensitive side so they can spot us talking. Bit of a breakthrough, for them.
I'm quite chuffed too. For a cruciform. Maybe now they'll see us in a new light. Won't bet on it though, they'll still be calling folk cabbages. They know nowt do they? Things I could tell them..."
"Nobody said they were coming, those scientists. Chance missed, I'd say. Been waiting for this all my life. Just look at me, big and round and beautiful! It's the gas they noticed, apparently. Yes, well,you noticed it too. I'm a cabbage, what can you say!.
"Exactly, quite a lot. Chatty bunch in our bed. Can't shut us up. They chopped a bit off Vera. Her again! She just needs to look at caterpillar and she's off screaming blue murder, but this time, THIS time, they spotted the gas. Our gas, which gets a bit, well whiffier, when we get upset. Sends the word round. Seems they can see it now, got a light sensitive side so they can spot us talking. Bit of a breakthrough, for them.
I'm quite chuffed too. For a cruciform. Maybe now they'll see us in a new light. Won't bet on it though, they'll still be calling folk cabbages. They know nowt do they? Things I could tell them..."
Monday 6 February 2012
Girls Against Religious Bigotry
Go girls! Saudi women are demanding the right to drive despite the religious bigots who want to keep them off the road. It's not the law that says women can't drive in Saudi Arabia. It's conservative Islam.
So it's great to see the girls fighting back, demanding their government challenges the strict rules that force women to get permission from a man to work, study, marry and even have some forms of surgery.
Our own religious leaders will no doubt be backing them, writing long letters of support in their luxurious palaces, then sitting back to enjoy a good lunch.Things are different over here, they would claim.
Really? Then why do they say that women bishops need a male co-bishop, just to keep everyone happy in areas where the Christians are anti-women. How hypocritical is that? Rev Rose Hudson-Wilkin said: "As a Church we either have women bishops or we do not. No woman in their right mind will accept being a bishop under these conditions. They are starting from the premise that women are a problem. We are not a problem." Absolutely Amen to that.
So it's great to see the girls fighting back, demanding their government challenges the strict rules that force women to get permission from a man to work, study, marry and even have some forms of surgery.
Our own religious leaders will no doubt be backing them, writing long letters of support in their luxurious palaces, then sitting back to enjoy a good lunch.Things are different over here, they would claim.
Really? Then why do they say that women bishops need a male co-bishop, just to keep everyone happy in areas where the Christians are anti-women. How hypocritical is that? Rev Rose Hudson-Wilkin said: "As a Church we either have women bishops or we do not. No woman in their right mind will accept being a bishop under these conditions. They are starting from the premise that women are a problem. We are not a problem." Absolutely Amen to that.
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Jokers for Junior Doctors
Watch Junior Doctors and despair. Get angry, because that sort of stuff goes on all the time. Can no one put a cannula in? As a charge nurse said: "Try twice then get someone else to do it. They should ask for help because no one wants to see patients turned into pin cushions."
Tell that to Andy, or Priya, who last night bullied a woman into letting her have another go - and failed again. Afterwards the angry patient refused to let arrogant Priya anywhere near her. Our medic said: "I realise it wasn't personal." Yes it was! You were terrible!
True everyone has to learn, but just look at the faces of the other medical staff when one of this bunch is let loose with a needle. There are exceptions. Lucy is a star, with plenty of compassion to spare.
But even Ben's relatives told him he had a God complex. He traumatised a little boy, again over a cannula, and then discovered it could be put in while the child was asleep for surgery. All totally avoidable.
Priya said: " We should have a notice on our foreheads saying we are doing this in your best interests." NO, you are not. You are causing unnecessary suffering. It is time these medics started practicing on themselves. Try putting a cannula into one of your colleagues and get them to put one in you.
Keep at it until you get it right. Then maybe you will understands how it feels to be a patient, seriously ill in a hospital bed, having someone just out of medical school prod you uselessly with a needle, again and again and again.
Tell that to Andy, or Priya, who last night bullied a woman into letting her have another go - and failed again. Afterwards the angry patient refused to let arrogant Priya anywhere near her. Our medic said: "I realise it wasn't personal." Yes it was! You were terrible!
True everyone has to learn, but just look at the faces of the other medical staff when one of this bunch is let loose with a needle. There are exceptions. Lucy is a star, with plenty of compassion to spare.
But even Ben's relatives told him he had a God complex. He traumatised a little boy, again over a cannula, and then discovered it could be put in while the child was asleep for surgery. All totally avoidable.
Priya said: " We should have a notice on our foreheads saying we are doing this in your best interests." NO, you are not. You are causing unnecessary suffering. It is time these medics started practicing on themselves. Try putting a cannula into one of your colleagues and get them to put one in you.
Keep at it until you get it right. Then maybe you will understands how it feels to be a patient, seriously ill in a hospital bed, having someone just out of medical school prod you uselessly with a needle, again and again and again.
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