My, but those Grizzlies are picky eaters! Camper Deb Freele woke to find one snacking on her arm so she played dead and the bear stopped munching. Just what was that bear thinking? "Damn, should've nibbled the ears a bit first. Far too impatient, that's me. Gone right off it now it's dead!"
Must be a lot of hungry Grizzlies about, judging by the size of those teeth. Death looks like a fairly rapid outcome. True some campers stink like a five-day corpse but surely the bear can tell when they are shamming? That's what the experts say though. Can't outrun them, or outclimb them so play dead and they leave you alone.
Maybe bears do it delicately, the way that if you bite the end off an ice cream cone you have to make a rush job of it. Far better to lick lightly at first. Be hard to pay dead with a bear licking lightly around the extremities.
That's the trouble with experts. You just know they've never been there. Bears are getting a break from Stella McCartney who is working on a new fabric for bearskin hats. Needs to be water repellent like the real thing apparently. Or nylon. And those hats! So past their sell-by.
Friday 30 July 2010
Thursday 29 July 2010
Gorgeous Carla Keeps them waiting
Carla Bruni is making a film with Woody - and the whole French Parliament has to wait to start their hols. What a player! Such chutzpah!
Nicholas Sarkozy is stuck in Paris while Carla wows the cameras so he has told his cabinet they have to work too, fixing a meeting for August 3 so no one can take an early cut.
Has anybody managed anything like that since Helen of Troy? Supermodel Carla could launch a thousand films but in this one she plays a museum curator. Lacking false modesty, she claims Allen said of her: "She has charisma and she's used to being on stage. I could give her any role at all!" But sadly gorgeous Carla had to think of her other engagements, so a cameo it is.
The French politicians will be glad she settled for that. They might have missed their break altogether. Do you think our lot would stay at work for Sam Cameron? Theresa May - or harpie Harman? It's a tough one.
Nicholas Sarkozy is stuck in Paris while Carla wows the cameras so he has told his cabinet they have to work too, fixing a meeting for August 3 so no one can take an early cut.
Has anybody managed anything like that since Helen of Troy? Supermodel Carla could launch a thousand films but in this one she plays a museum curator. Lacking false modesty, she claims Allen said of her: "She has charisma and she's used to being on stage. I could give her any role at all!" But sadly gorgeous Carla had to think of her other engagements, so a cameo it is.
The French politicians will be glad she settled for that. They might have missed their break altogether. Do you think our lot would stay at work for Sam Cameron? Theresa May - or harpie Harman? It's a tough one.
Tuesday 27 July 2010
Fruity Does it for Apple
Sexy stories put the zap in Apple. The best seller list for the iPad is loaded with naughty books that readers would be too shy to buy in a store. Is anyone surprised? Only best selling author Carl East from Hull who can't believe his luck. He's been toiling for years over his hot little novels which are usually relegated to the top shelves.
He said in an Amazon post:" I keep pinching myself to see if I am awake and sometimes wonder is this really happening to me?" Seems people like Blonde and Wet, the Complete Story, enough to download it in droves. It's topping the Apple chart.
Who knows what is read on an iPad? Could be the Complete Works of Shakespeare or something even more saucy. The fruity stuff won't do Apple sales any harm at all.
He said in an Amazon post:" I keep pinching myself to see if I am awake and sometimes wonder is this really happening to me?" Seems people like Blonde and Wet, the Complete Story, enough to download it in droves. It's topping the Apple chart.
Who knows what is read on an iPad? Could be the Complete Works of Shakespeare or something even more saucy. The fruity stuff won't do Apple sales any harm at all.
Monday 26 July 2010
Brave Bombs for Blue Peter Badge
Blue Peter presenters - they never give up do they? Once they get their hands into the papier-mache that's it, sign up to improve the offspring.com.
Take Peter Duncan. Nice guy. He says:"Find some hills or mountains and plan your own trek. I like getting lost with the kids and making it their responsibility to get us home. "Bless him, he was a Chief Scout.
We got lost with the kids once. Ended up on a firing range in Denmark with signs in four languages saying: "DANGER! Do not stray from the path! Unexploded bombs." Highly instructive and educational. Not sure that the whinging kids were best placed to guide us back. Their father came in for some stick since his route got us there in the first place.
"Just around the bend is a McDonalds!" he would claim. The crew worked that one out sharpish and he's not been allowed to forget it. Famous Five adventures are fine but we will stick to the well-worn path.
Take Peter Duncan. Nice guy. He says:"Find some hills or mountains and plan your own trek. I like getting lost with the kids and making it their responsibility to get us home. "Bless him, he was a Chief Scout.
We got lost with the kids once. Ended up on a firing range in Denmark with signs in four languages saying: "DANGER! Do not stray from the path! Unexploded bombs." Highly instructive and educational. Not sure that the whinging kids were best placed to guide us back. Their father came in for some stick since his route got us there in the first place.
"Just around the bend is a McDonalds!" he would claim. The crew worked that one out sharpish and he's not been allowed to forget it. Famous Five adventures are fine but we will stick to the well-worn path.
Sunday 25 July 2010
Ash, ash atishoo!
Someone paid £700 for the ashes of the Coronation Street cat, Frisky. That sort of money buys an awful lot of moggie. What do they do with the ash? Put it on top of the telly so his spirit can return to the rooftops of the nations' favourite soap?
Left my dad's ashes all over the boot of the hire car after the top came off. Still warm they were too. No one tells you how much of this stuff there is . Bigger than a couple of bags of sugar that's for sure and much finer, so it gets everywhere, including up your nose. Sorry dad, just sneezed you all over the rear windscreen.
Disposal is a problem when proper respect is required. St James' Park put a stop to dead fans finding a final resting place on its hallowed turf, seems they ruined the game, so we settled for a scattering over the waters of the Tyne.
With a breeze strong enough to knock a tugboat off track this posed a problem of its own. Many a black outfit was liberally flecked with grey by the end. Put himself about a bit did dad, never more so than on that day, but hopefully his sense of humour lives on.
Left my dad's ashes all over the boot of the hire car after the top came off. Still warm they were too. No one tells you how much of this stuff there is . Bigger than a couple of bags of sugar that's for sure and much finer, so it gets everywhere, including up your nose. Sorry dad, just sneezed you all over the rear windscreen.
Disposal is a problem when proper respect is required. St James' Park put a stop to dead fans finding a final resting place on its hallowed turf, seems they ruined the game, so we settled for a scattering over the waters of the Tyne.
With a breeze strong enough to knock a tugboat off track this posed a problem of its own. Many a black outfit was liberally flecked with grey by the end. Put himself about a bit did dad, never more so than on that day, but hopefully his sense of humour lives on.
Friday 23 July 2010
Mad Mandy - Mum on a Mission
School's out. That'll be my pal Mandy shopping at midnight again. Her kids run her so ragged ar she can't pick up a pint of milk, let alone a novel, before they go to bed. She calls it:"Keeping them stimulated!" We call her Mad Mandy - the mum on a mission.
She's off driving to the beach, zoo, museum, cinema, bowling alley. Followed by the Cordon-Bleu Cookery Course, Oils for Beginners and Teach Yourself Origami.
And the riding, swimming, not to mention maths and music practice. Shot to pieces she is. Come September, she looks like she spent the summer in Helmand. The school run comes as a blessed release.
Me. I'm all for mud pies in the garden followed by a water fight with the hose. The closest we'll get to stimulation will be watching the dog take on next door's cat. Enjoy!
She's off driving to the beach, zoo, museum, cinema, bowling alley. Followed by the Cordon-Bleu Cookery Course, Oils for Beginners and Teach Yourself Origami.
And the riding, swimming, not to mention maths and music practice. Shot to pieces she is. Come September, she looks like she spent the summer in Helmand. The school run comes as a blessed release.
Me. I'm all for mud pies in the garden followed by a water fight with the hose. The closest we'll get to stimulation will be watching the dog take on next door's cat. Enjoy!
Wednesday 21 July 2010
Lazy Stig? Not Likely!
Would the Stig sign up for this? Some say he listens to the BeeGees and sleeps hanging from a tree. Would he ever drive a car that needs no input?
Italian engineers are testing two driverless cars by sending them through Moscow traffic, the sweltering summer heat of Siberia and the perishing cold of the Gobi desert before making Shanghai in October. The techies will act only if there is a problem.
Is this the future? Let's see now, how many men want the wife to take over the driving? Because the girls do a better job. We'll go automatic at least, no need for gears. Oversteer, understeer, apexes, all complete cobblers. Top Gear will be no more.
We could have had this yonks ago, but nobody wants it. Why? Because we all think we are cracking drivers. Give Lewis Hamilton a run for his money. The Stig? Well, maybe not today anyway.
Italian engineers are testing two driverless cars by sending them through Moscow traffic, the sweltering summer heat of Siberia and the perishing cold of the Gobi desert before making Shanghai in October. The techies will act only if there is a problem.
Is this the future? Let's see now, how many men want the wife to take over the driving? Because the girls do a better job. We'll go automatic at least, no need for gears. Oversteer, understeer, apexes, all complete cobblers. Top Gear will be no more.
We could have had this yonks ago, but nobody wants it. Why? Because we all think we are cracking drivers. Give Lewis Hamilton a run for his money. The Stig? Well, maybe not today anyway.
Tuesday 20 July 2010
Trashed Topless Pics pf Diana
In a tawdry world a true gent is scarcer than hen's teeth but such was Eduardo Junco. The owner of Hello, he once trashed a load of topless pics of Diana, Princess of Wales, to save her blushes.
Binned the lot - even though they were worth millions! His mags would have sold out worldwide but he knew she would be happier if he didn't print them. So that was that. I reckon he was right. Hard to believe but I once had topless pics taken of me withheld from publication by a kind editor. Mine are still out there somewhere, though not worth the price of a pint.
Not everyone is keen on Hello, because it's stuffed with the froth of the rich and frivolous. We can only gawp at what they've got. Other mags give us the juicy bits. Like a headline which read: "I was Raped by my Brother the Vicar!" It's got the lot. Eduardo wouldn't have gone near it. He died this month. Standards intact.
Binned the lot - even though they were worth millions! His mags would have sold out worldwide but he knew she would be happier if he didn't print them. So that was that. I reckon he was right. Hard to believe but I once had topless pics taken of me withheld from publication by a kind editor. Mine are still out there somewhere, though not worth the price of a pint.
Not everyone is keen on Hello, because it's stuffed with the froth of the rich and frivolous. We can only gawp at what they've got. Other mags give us the juicy bits. Like a headline which read: "I was Raped by my Brother the Vicar!" It's got the lot. Eduardo wouldn't have gone near it. He died this month. Standards intact.
Monday 19 July 2010
Pay for a Pal - Friends for Life?
Friends welcome - relatives by appointment. Except that some people are so short of friends they have to pay people to show an interest. How sad is that? Rent a Friend is a new website coming here from America this week. Lonely souls will pay for pals at an hourly rate.
Sounds OK. Lots of people move to a new town or work unsocial hours so need a helping hand. Good luck to them. Most of us can manage to pick up a few friends along the way just by being, well, friendly.
Sitting at a PC is great for Facebook contacts, but what happens if the rented pal just finds the whole thing so excruciatingly boring they would rather use their eyeballs as a ash tray than see the new "friend" again? Just when all seemed to be going so swimmingly. Big blow to a shy boy's confidence.
That's the trouble when it's for money. Sincerity goes out of the window. And even if you do genuinely like each other, once a few quid have changed hands the relationship is skewed forever.
Sounds OK. Lots of people move to a new town or work unsocial hours so need a helping hand. Good luck to them. Most of us can manage to pick up a few friends along the way just by being, well, friendly.
Sitting at a PC is great for Facebook contacts, but what happens if the rented pal just finds the whole thing so excruciatingly boring they would rather use their eyeballs as a ash tray than see the new "friend" again? Just when all seemed to be going so swimmingly. Big blow to a shy boy's confidence.
That's the trouble when it's for money. Sincerity goes out of the window. And even if you do genuinely like each other, once a few quid have changed hands the relationship is skewed forever.
Sunday 18 July 2010
Botox - the Land of the Living Dead
Just when it seems safe to peak out from behind the fingers another sick-making beauty story comes along to bite you on the bum. And this one really is a teeth rattler. Botox, always scary since it involves injecting a deadly poison, is now blamed for freezing faces altogether - so someone has to pummel it to free it up! Just whack my cheek right there will you, there's a good boy.
Ladies, what is going on here? Are you all mad? What is it about the odd wrinkle that is so horrifying that you freeze your face and then have someone put his fingers INSIDE your mouth to work the muscles. Yuck! This is the job of therapist Nicholas Joss. "The skin becomes dull and waxy-looking with Botox. It needs a massage to get the blood flow back," he said. He charges more than £200 for a 90-minute facial, including a power massage.
Call me crinkle chops but I'll live with it. The alternative, a face like a corpse that needs to be thumped back to life, is surely the stuff of nightmares.
Ladies, what is going on here? Are you all mad? What is it about the odd wrinkle that is so horrifying that you freeze your face and then have someone put his fingers INSIDE your mouth to work the muscles. Yuck! This is the job of therapist Nicholas Joss. "The skin becomes dull and waxy-looking with Botox. It needs a massage to get the blood flow back," he said. He charges more than £200 for a 90-minute facial, including a power massage.
Call me crinkle chops but I'll live with it. The alternative, a face like a corpse that needs to be thumped back to life, is surely the stuff of nightmares.
Saturday 17 July 2010
Poor get the Slammer while the Rich go Free
Hailing from the North East, where times are hard and the women harder, we are pretty canny at milking the system. Benefits are a lifestyle choice. Many can make proud boast that the country has kept them, man and boy, in a style to which they are all too well accustomed.
A Giro a week works a treat, and if a little bit extra can be slipped Geordie's way, wey, that's champion hinny! Getting caught on the take is a sad but not unexpected fact of life. Getting jailed for it is something else.
Figures reveal that the poor are much more likely to go to jail for fraud than the rich embezzlers who can afford the best solicitors. Susanne Rees of Bridgend in Wales got 60 days for getting extra housing benefit to the tune of £19,000. Hardly peanuts. Except that Cheltenham businessman Michael Frost was given 60 hours community service for £65,000 income tax evasion. Smooth talker? Probably.
Records show that defendants convicted of benefit fraud are much more likely to end up behind bars than the tax dodgers. No sympathy for either - but surely some injustice here?
A Giro a week works a treat, and if a little bit extra can be slipped Geordie's way, wey, that's champion hinny! Getting caught on the take is a sad but not unexpected fact of life. Getting jailed for it is something else.
Figures reveal that the poor are much more likely to go to jail for fraud than the rich embezzlers who can afford the best solicitors. Susanne Rees of Bridgend in Wales got 60 days for getting extra housing benefit to the tune of £19,000. Hardly peanuts. Except that Cheltenham businessman Michael Frost was given 60 hours community service for £65,000 income tax evasion. Smooth talker? Probably.
Records show that defendants convicted of benefit fraud are much more likely to end up behind bars than the tax dodgers. No sympathy for either - but surely some injustice here?
Friday 16 July 2010
Grindr lookalike for Straights - is it a Goer?
The gays got it first - now iPhone are planning an app for straights too. First heard about Grindr on Top Gear when Stephen Fry was waxing lyrical. Grindr is an app for finding gays who are close by and up for it. Fair play to them, all out in the open so to speak.
But straights? Does a guy use the app to find girls gagging for it? Or do the girls? There lies the rub. Since when has there been an issue here? All young guys grab an easy lay and all girls know it. Quod erat demonstratus - or not.
See yourself sitting in Starbucks idly apping the guy on the next table - and he you! Smile, flirt? Nah - let's just nip behind the bins! Memories of a bus shelter come to mind. Ten years old and all he wanted was a quick kiss. How times change. Pine for the old days of long drawn-out lust.
I'm all for apps that make life easier. Or fun. Just don't fancy this one.
But straights? Does a guy use the app to find girls gagging for it? Or do the girls? There lies the rub. Since when has there been an issue here? All young guys grab an easy lay and all girls know it. Quod erat demonstratus - or not.
See yourself sitting in Starbucks idly apping the guy on the next table - and he you! Smile, flirt? Nah - let's just nip behind the bins! Memories of a bus shelter come to mind. Ten years old and all he wanted was a quick kiss. How times change. Pine for the old days of long drawn-out lust.
I'm all for apps that make life easier. Or fun. Just don't fancy this one.
Thursday 15 July 2010
Peter left out of the Party
Seems like Mandy may be missing a few best friends. There he goes, bleating to the Times about Blair and Brown going at it like a pair of schoolboys. Tony couldn't get a deal done without Brown demanding his job as the price for agreeing. All the good things we never got because they couldn't see eye to eye.
Mandy has Blair as a weak leader and Brown as a head case. It's no surprise to anyone that Tony unable to get his reforms through because huffy Brown wouldn't support him. Yet these two were supposed to be friends and on the SAME side.
Not only that, they were running the country for the rest of us while almost coming to blows. What a pair of wallys!
Wonder what Mandy got for stabbing them both in the back? Someone mentioned £250,000 up front for his memoirs would not be too far off the mark. What price a political friendship? Chances are Mandy would sell his for a song.
Mandy has Blair as a weak leader and Brown as a head case. It's no surprise to anyone that Tony unable to get his reforms through because huffy Brown wouldn't support him. Yet these two were supposed to be friends and on the SAME side.
Not only that, they were running the country for the rest of us while almost coming to blows. What a pair of wallys!
Wonder what Mandy got for stabbing them both in the back? Someone mentioned £250,000 up front for his memoirs would not be too far off the mark. What price a political friendship? Chances are Mandy would sell his for a song.
Wednesday 14 July 2010
Rooney Boobie
Silly little wannabe Natalie Rooney! Wayne may not be a looker but nobody doubts his talent. His 19-yea-old cousin loses out on both counts. The curvy blonde was featured in Channel 4's The Ugly Face of Beauty - but it wasn't her face they were interested in.
Natalie wants the biggest boobs in Britain and this was her second operation to buy them. Just throw in a bit of liposuction while you're on! All for a size 8 girl who could drop that fat running around the block.
Proud mum stood by as this troubled teenager risked her life. The TV reporter seemed more anxious than the girl's closest relative. Dim's the word. And dosh. She's decided football baps are her ticket to world of the rich and famous. Wayne's world. It worked for Jordan after all.
Difference is that Jordan is a marketing genius. Selling herself is what she does best. Natalie seems like a stupid. spoilt little girl with nothing to offer but her youth and that far too soon over.
Natalie wants the biggest boobs in Britain and this was her second operation to buy them. Just throw in a bit of liposuction while you're on! All for a size 8 girl who could drop that fat running around the block.
Proud mum stood by as this troubled teenager risked her life. The TV reporter seemed more anxious than the girl's closest relative. Dim's the word. And dosh. She's decided football baps are her ticket to world of the rich and famous. Wayne's world. It worked for Jordan after all.
Difference is that Jordan is a marketing genius. Selling herself is what she does best. Natalie seems like a stupid. spoilt little girl with nothing to offer but her youth and that far too soon over.
Sunday 11 July 2010
A Lesson in Lunacy
That's an A* for crap teachers! Take a bow all you rubbish educators because it seems you are doing a great job after all. Chairwoman of Ofsted, Zenna Atkins, herself the proud possessor of one O level, says that bad teachers should be applauded. They show kids that those in authority are not always perfect, giving them valuable skills to deal with the moron in the workplace.
"One really good thing about primary school is that every kid learns how to deal with a really s*** teacher," she said. Hooray then for the teacher at my kids' school who hides in a cupboard and cries.
That's a Grade 8 in bullying very well learnt. The kids will be thrilled with that. We need look no further for the moron. Thankfully Ms Atkins is moving on, to work with the state-funded "Free" schools Cameron wants to set up. God help them.
Add to that the boffins have discovered a stuff called noggin which keeps the brain's neurotransmitters healthy. It is increased by exercise. So clearly we are looking at swarms of genius footballers and a tough time with the Times crossword for Stephen Hawking
"One really good thing about primary school is that every kid learns how to deal with a really s*** teacher," she said. Hooray then for the teacher at my kids' school who hides in a cupboard and cries.
That's a Grade 8 in bullying very well learnt. The kids will be thrilled with that. We need look no further for the moron. Thankfully Ms Atkins is moving on, to work with the state-funded "Free" schools Cameron wants to set up. God help them.
Add to that the boffins have discovered a stuff called noggin which keeps the brain's neurotransmitters healthy. It is increased by exercise. So clearly we are looking at swarms of genius footballers and a tough time with the Times crossword for Stephen Hawking
Friday 9 July 2010
Pauline hits the High Life
Always knew she had it in her, our lass Pauline. Aye but it took a lot of slap and a fair bit of stick and heck knows it's been a struggle, but she's come good, a Lady no less. By gum though, it were almost scuppered by a horrible moment when that punch landed. Dreams hit the dust, they did.
What went through that bull-dog brain of his? Small fortune on elocution and all for nowt. Could've been disaster. Very nearly was. Only his animal instinct for knowing where the bodies are buried saved her from obscurity. Never that. Our Pauline does not do obscurity.
Granted some attention is less welcome - when it involves the office floozie for instance - but generally she blossoms in the spotlight. Should've kept him on a short lead though. Our lad never could keep his hands to himself.
All behind her now. It'll be lady this and lady that from now on. Mixing with society. Got the hang of the croquet and the cutlery and there's a thing or two she could teach them about a decent blow-dry. And those dreadful old clothes! Lead on Lady Prescott - show them where to shop!
What went through that bull-dog brain of his? Small fortune on elocution and all for nowt. Could've been disaster. Very nearly was. Only his animal instinct for knowing where the bodies are buried saved her from obscurity. Never that. Our Pauline does not do obscurity.
Granted some attention is less welcome - when it involves the office floozie for instance - but generally she blossoms in the spotlight. Should've kept him on a short lead though. Our lad never could keep his hands to himself.
All behind her now. It'll be lady this and lady that from now on. Mixing with society. Got the hang of the croquet and the cutlery and there's a thing or two she could teach them about a decent blow-dry. And those dreadful old clothes! Lead on Lady Prescott - show them where to shop!
Thursday 8 July 2010
Jesus would be Livid
So why is The Church so fixated with sex? The boys in frocks just can't get enough of it! Maybe missing out themselves they interfere elsewhere and demand to know what goes on in another man's bed.
Take the latest CoE brouhaha. Dr Jeffrey John has been shafted again. Seven years ago he agreed to save Rowan William's face and give up the chance to be Bishop of Reading. It was a major blow, and Rowan had to get down on his knees and beg forgiveness. How utterly, complacently Churchy of him. That's not the church of the people - that's the way of the pompous bigots who run it thinking they know best.
The people of Southwark, who know Dr John well, didn't forget him and when they needed a bishop, up came his name. He is a good man. That's enough. The fact that he is gay, and has agreed not to have sex with is partner, is of no interest to true Christians. That's for the clergy to get hot under their dog-collars for.
Again The Church turned him down. Simply because he is a homosexual. These are the men who tell the rest of us how to live. We should take a leaf out of Christ's good book and throw them all out of the temple.
Take the latest CoE brouhaha. Dr Jeffrey John has been shafted again. Seven years ago he agreed to save Rowan William's face and give up the chance to be Bishop of Reading. It was a major blow, and Rowan had to get down on his knees and beg forgiveness. How utterly, complacently Churchy of him. That's not the church of the people - that's the way of the pompous bigots who run it thinking they know best.
The people of Southwark, who know Dr John well, didn't forget him and when they needed a bishop, up came his name. He is a good man. That's enough. The fact that he is gay, and has agreed not to have sex with is partner, is of no interest to true Christians. That's for the clergy to get hot under their dog-collars for.
Again The Church turned him down. Simply because he is a homosexual. These are the men who tell the rest of us how to live. We should take a leaf out of Christ's good book and throw them all out of the temple.
Wednesday 7 July 2010
Sleepy Meerkat.Con
Comparing the meerkats has just gone a bit bonkers. I adore the hairy skittles as much as anyone but I dare to suggest things have strayed into insanity. British scientists are in the Kalahari timing them out of bed. Sitting outside their holes waiting for them to get up in the morning. Why?
The little chaps will yawn and stretch and sally forth into the dawn when they feel like it and not a second before. Timing them with a stopwatch makes no sense. So what if some rise a minute, nay, eight minutes after another lot. Perhaps they are having riotous sex in there and she was shouting " niet stop!" while the boy in the next burrow was only up for a quickie. Who knows? And, why, why should we care? Something about comparing cultures. Are we chucking money at this?
The boffins have been there 11 years. Yet you just know that all the research in the world will not find a way to get a teenage son out of bed before noon.
The little chaps will yawn and stretch and sally forth into the dawn when they feel like it and not a second before. Timing them with a stopwatch makes no sense. So what if some rise a minute, nay, eight minutes after another lot. Perhaps they are having riotous sex in there and she was shouting " niet stop!" while the boy in the next burrow was only up for a quickie. Who knows? And, why, why should we care? Something about comparing cultures. Are we chucking money at this?
The boffins have been there 11 years. Yet you just know that all the research in the world will not find a way to get a teenage son out of bed before noon.
Monday 5 July 2010
David, is that You?
Glammed up for a swanky do at Tower Bridge the other night. All low-cut red frock and big smile, about right for the location which happens to have one of the best views of London.
Naturellement, I was snapped by the paparazzi - but when I look at the pics what's this? Lots of guys in grey suits! Get to page four before even a glance at moi. Surely something wrong? I thought myself the rose among thorns, even if a bit past first bloom, but really!
Some of the boys were very pretty, but many were hardly what you might term, stiff competition. One featured very regularly, so I pointed him out to teenage son who remarked: "That's Beckham isn't it?" WHAT!!! I could've had my pic taken with the best looking bloke on the planet - and muffed it! Nooo, this could not be happening!
Thankfully it wasn't. He was a looky-likey. A paid jobsworth like me. Phew! Even I can pass on that one. Need to sharpen up or wear specs or Johnnie D may be in the room and I will fail to schmooze. I would never, never, get over it.
Naturellement, I was snapped by the paparazzi - but when I look at the pics what's this? Lots of guys in grey suits! Get to page four before even a glance at moi. Surely something wrong? I thought myself the rose among thorns, even if a bit past first bloom, but really!
Some of the boys were very pretty, but many were hardly what you might term, stiff competition. One featured very regularly, so I pointed him out to teenage son who remarked: "That's Beckham isn't it?" WHAT!!! I could've had my pic taken with the best looking bloke on the planet - and muffed it! Nooo, this could not be happening!
Thankfully it wasn't. He was a looky-likey. A paid jobsworth like me. Phew! Even I can pass on that one. Need to sharpen up or wear specs or Johnnie D may be in the room and I will fail to schmooze. I would never, never, get over it.
Friday 2 July 2010
Once a Shrekkie...
Give me the ogre every time. Filthy fun with Shrek - yep, that's a goer. Bound to be a belly laugh even if the dinner stinks. Can't abide Buzz Lightyear. The pop-eyed one would not be hot if he had a fling with Donkey's dragon and started breathing fire. As if she would. I mean, where's the wit in that twit?
We all seem to fall one way or the other. Fat, green Glaswegian or gay cowboy, Take your pick. Cinema critics say that the new Shrek relies on old jokes. We LIKE old jokes. If they are good ones. Donkey's " I had my mouth open as well!" always gets a giggle in this house. Along with " Grit, spit and a whole lot of duct tape! " or "Hurry before we all come to our senses!" from the brilliant Madagascar. Toy Story just doesn't do it for me. Bring on the Land of Far, Far Away and watch the eyes light up.
We all seem to fall one way or the other. Fat, green Glaswegian or gay cowboy, Take your pick. Cinema critics say that the new Shrek relies on old jokes. We LIKE old jokes. If they are good ones. Donkey's " I had my mouth open as well!" always gets a giggle in this house. Along with " Grit, spit and a whole lot of duct tape! " or "Hurry before we all come to our senses!" from the brilliant Madagascar. Toy Story just doesn't do it for me. Bring on the Land of Far, Far Away and watch the eyes light up.
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