Saturday 28 November 2009

Whatever turns you on

Weird and even weirder. There's a gardening firm telling men to buy their wives a washing line so she will feel "special" this Christmas. One word - don't. A fridge, washing machine, TV or hoover, even a robot that does the job itself, is not and never will be, a present. Also thongs, slippers and anti-wrinkle cream. No gardening stuff unless she tells you she loves gardening. And uses that word. Loves. Otherwise she hates it because it's just another job. End of.

All mud and muck. Would suit a guy who has just been jailed for 20 weeks after being caught in a Cornwall farmer's slurry pit, enjoying sex with himself, AGAIN. Pity the poor farmer " Lord, that bloke's back, rolling about stark naked in the pit. Well I've had it with hosing him down - it's your turn!"

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