Bargain bra? Maybe not

Bought a bra the other day, £6 from Peacocks, bargain. Problem is, it still has the security jobbie attatched. Now here is the dilemma. Do I waltz back in with it and ask them to take it off, assuming the fact that I have returned with the goods puts me in the clear, shoplifter-wise.
Or do they all do that? Pikeys I mean? I thought security men fell out of the walls if anyone so much as dared step towards the door with a tag in place. Bells and sirens, the lot, I thought. Yet it seems really easy to swipe anything without a soul noticing.
Have tried the pliers. No use. Magnets also, nil result. Fact is, just a hint of suspicion will be enough to bring on a guilty blush. Innocent, certainly, but brave - maybe not. And is such a test of courage worth it for six quid? Just how poor am I?

You Did Great Boss

Want to feel better at work? Tell the boss exactly what you think of him. Go on. When you've finished saying what a balls-up he made of that last presentation you can pick up your P45 at the door and spend a lot more time with the family. Job sorted.
This particular advice comes from The British Psychological Society at their conference in Brighton.
They studied 500 workers and 150 managers and found that bosses who got feedback were more likely to change their ways and become more effective. Their staff would be less stressed. Are we missing something here? Like the boss is in charge? There are some great bosses. And some stinkers. Don't like it? You know what to do. Blabbing about his bad points isn't it. These psychologists know their stuff - just on some other planet. Here,in sunny Brighton, they are barely this side of bonkers.























psychologists are

Mrs Robinson and Thomas Cook

So, how bad was the sex that Mrs Robinson went for a 20-year-old? We get a lot of them here, having one in the house. Buff they might be, great fun certainly, but for a lady of experience to find one beddable does require a lot of reading between the sheets. All that trauma aired on TV too. What happened to dignified silence?
We are having trouble with Mr Thomas Cook after spending two days snowed up at Gatwick. He doesn't want to pay up or give us a swap after we lost two days of a week's holiday. Blaming the weather isn't good enough when the airport was open, but everyone goes a bit bovine when herded together like that. It's like one spark would ignite the lot, so we all just wait, and wait, and wait. And the fibs!!! But we are not through with Mr Cook yet...

horse dentist home visit

Friend of mine's got the dentist out. At home. On a Sunday. Prince Charles himself couldn't get a visit from a dentist on a Sunday. Folk in these parts haven't seen a dentist in five years of Sundays.
But this one is coming to see a horse. She can't eat. The horse that is.
The dentist probably eats very well indeed,on what he charges for this trip. Plenty of our friends have horses and many of them can't be ridden. They have strangles.Or they are lame.They can't jump,or canter or sometimes even trot. They are too old or too young,in foal or just plain nasty. Sometimes they look pretty. Other times they have such bad allergies that a quick glance stops the heart.
They scare at puddles and shun their best friends. They throw and kick, every chance they get. Their feet stink and their pee's even worse. And they poo. A lot. Which has to be picked up daily to stop them getting worms. Let's stick to the worms, cheaper and much more useful.

First footing this New Year?

First footin' Do they still do that up North? Had to be a tall, dark man first through the door on January 1. He'd fetch coal, salt and sugar, supposed to symbolise warmth, preservative and sweetness for the coming year. Course it all led to bother all round. Not always enough tall, dark blokes for a start. Are there ever? In extremis a dark woman would do, though always considered a very poor second best.

Some old bods would not leave the house without their first foot. Scared witless of bad luck they'd wait for the knock at the door, but by January 5 even a ginger kid would do, just so as old Mrs Buggins could cross the threshold and get a pint of milk. So you'd be sent round there sharpish to release the poor soul.

Superstition has a lot to answer for.
There was plenty of free booze though. You could pile into anybody's place and get stuck in, strangers welcome. There was a lot of Asti and that dreadful, thick, yellow stuff, advocaat was it? Hideous, along with Cherry B and Babycham, but they did the job.Those days, up North, you needed something to blur the outlines.

North Pole News

GAWD I'm glad that's over! Done and dusted for another year. The old man's sleeping it off, snored all the way back. Be all that brandy, bit less than last year, must be the credit crunch. Still, he made the most of it. That Donna's got a mouth on her, not one crumb for yours truly! Old Vixen on form, cussing at the back. She never puts the time in, so what can she expect? Had to hit the hay the minute we got back. Prancer a bit skittish, but he soon settled down.

The old man's a sight to see, says he's taken up parkour. Time was when we called it slippin' n sliding' over the rooftops, but he likes to stay on trend. Launching about like a spring lamb! Had to keep the sleigh handy, just in case, but he's pretty nippy for an old fella. Singing his heart out he was, while the booze kicked in. All very Christmassy, 'specially with my red nose, right out in front. Says he's going to try the new satnav next year but it's just idle jest, he couldn't do it without me. Glad tidings all, Rudolf.

Rage romps it at Christmas

Sorry Joe, the folk have spoken. Pretty Joe McElderry will not be number one at Christmas this year. He's been beaten by Rage Against the Machine after a web campaign to keep the cash out of Cowell's pockets. Rage are giving the profits to Shelter.
Brilliant! Joe's a lovely lad and good luck to him but the whole X Factor fandango is just greed on speed. Two whole days of voting each weekend to rack up the duckets? Shoddy, boys, shoddy.
The Rage song is 18 years old but seems to sum it all up. Their guitarist Tom Morello said: " When people band together and make their voices heard they can completely overturn the system" Gloria to that.