About to buy a penthouse. Well, it's a top floor flat, but think big. The solicitor sent "congratulations you've exchanged - now check for bugs." Bugs! Are the Soviets skulking in Suffolk? Do we have Taleban in the tractor sheds? Terrorists in the pig pens?
We do have a lot of pigs. Stand them snout to tail and they would reach Uranus and back. So, the bugs. Are they livestock? Has the dream residence become a house of horrors since we went for the second viewing? If so I'm out of there because I draw the line at biters. They get a smack on the wrist in this house.
No, I think not. Our lawyer simply means we should check that all is as we left it. A ceiling hasn't fallen in or a tramp taken up residence. Not unheard of in these parts. So we will pop back next week and turf them out, bugs and all, and get a new home for Christmas.
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